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SHOCKING
82-year-old CLORIS LEACHMAN joins Dancing with the Stars
MADONNA flashes pic of McCain alongside image of Hitler. McCain flashes pic of Madonna alongside Britney Spears
KARA DIOGUARDI added as fourth American Idol judge
RAFAEL NADAL reneges on threatened image makeover. Capri-pants industry breathes sigh of relief
Reggaeton star DADDY YANKEE endorses McCAIN. Confused McCain looks for Uncle Sam impersonator
CHER (absurdly) rumored to play Catwoman in next Batman film
St. Paul BILLBOARD greets GOP delegates
SEINFELD signs on as Microsoft spokesman. Not that there's anything wrong with that
PREDICTABLE
MICHAEL JACKSON turns 50. Nose turns 14
MICHAEL PHELPS secures speedy book deal
SHERYL CROW to give away 50,000 copies of new album in voter-registration drive
Warner Bros. sues Indian film HARI PUTTAR over title. Someone should retroactively sue makers of Lord of the Singhs
Time-out for DA BRAT; sentenced to three years for assault
Milwaukee jumps shark, unveils bronze FONZ statue
Led Zeppelin lyrics sanitized during Olympics closing ceremony. Robert Plant replaced by THIS GIRL
KATY PERRY says SCARLETT JOHANSSON was inspiration behind I Kissed a Girl. WOODY ALLEN says, "See, it's not just me."
Reality-show professional KIM KARDASHIAN joins Dancing with the Stars
SHOCKINGLY PREDICTABLE