Punchlines

"If recent polls are correct and Democrats win back control of the House and Senate, President Bush's Administration will be transformed into an early lame duck. Worse, Cheney will then shoot it." SETH MEYERS

"After 21 years and sales of nearly 7 million cars, Ford has announced that it will no longer make the Taurus, forcing many thirtysomethings to find a new way to show the world they've given up on their dreams." AMY POEHLER

"Today the Yankees assured Alex Rodriguez that he would not be traded. They did say, however, they could not rule out the possibility that he might be adopted by Madonna and then she would move away." DAVID LETTERMAN

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