Punchlines

"After 25 years on the air, Ted Koppel hosted his final episode of Nightline. Immediately after the show, he drove upstate and released his hair into the wild."

--CONAN O'BRIEN

"What a big movie event, the Harry Potter blockbuster. How many of you saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Goo? Unbelievable--over $100 million. That brought in more cash than a Tom DeLay barbecue."

--DAVID LETTERMAN

"Last night people lined up waiting to buy the Xbox 360. Grown men camped out overnight. Kind of sad, but the good news is [it] was the first time any of them had ever slept with other people."

--JIMMY KIMMEL