Wedding Etiquette for the Runaway Bride

By Patricia Marx

1. Who pays for what?

There are no hard-and-fast rules today about who is responsible for footing the bill, but usually the family of the felon pays for the getaway limo before the wedding, the cancellation announcements, the defense lawyer, the court rehearsal dinner and the bail bond. The groom pays for his boutonniere as well as the bride's electronic monitoring bracelet.

2. If you are greeted by a swarm of reporters upon your arrival at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson airport, must you ask all of them to your wedding?

You are under no obligation to invite the media to help you celebrate your "day of dreams." It might, however, be a fortuitous way of cutting down on the costs of a wedding photographer.

3. What is the proper attire for a bride?

Remember when a bride wore white? Those days are gone. The bride of the moment is always on the go--a woman who is therefore in the market for comfort, comfort, comfort! And that is why, for the big day, I recommend activewear, maybe with a little Lycra.

4. Does anyone still wear a veil?

A veil is optional, but in an airport the bride-to-be traditionally covers her newly shorn head with a blanket.

5. What's the deal with the bridesmaids' dresses? Who shells out the money for those things?

By custom, each bridesmaid pays for her own dress. The money she earns by selling her confidential story to the tabloids, however, will more than compensate her for the expense.

6. Anything I should know about the honeymoon?

The honeymoon is certainly one of the most magical parts of the wedding process. Not everyone would agree with me, but I think it's O.K. to go on your honeymoon alone, without your spouse-to-be. And I see nothing wrong with taking off before the wedding--especially since, in the days that follow, you may be in a seclusion kind of mood.

7. Any tips on honeymoon destinations?

Some words of caution for anyone planning an escape to Las Vegas: don't believe them when they say, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." Cable news stations are poised to report anything you do there, and also in Albuquerque, N.M.

8. Should the bride change her last name when she gets married?

This is less a matter of good manners than of practicality. If your picture has been seen on the front page of every major newspaper in the country, plus the AOL welcome screen and telephone poles and shop windows in your community, then, Missy, taking your husband's name is just not going to help.

9. What does the best man do?

The best man holds the rings during the ceremony, offers the first toast to the newlyweds and makes sure the groom arrives on time for his polygraph test.

10. How about the ushers?

A few nights before the wedding, the ushers organize the stag party. But hangover or no hangover, the next day they are expected to be part of the bridal manhunt.

11. And the father of the groom--what are his responsibilities?

The proud man is usually called upon to release a public statement that his son, the chump, intends to stand by the bride, assuming he can find her.

12. When do the thank-you notes have to be in the mail?

The bride and/or the groom is allowed as much as one month after the gift registry has been posted on the CNN website or has been ridiculed by late-night talk-show hosts, whichever comes first.

13. If, for some farfetched reason, the wedding is postponed, how and when must the guests be notified?

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. News gets around. o