Punchlines

"Before Social Security, Americans had to keep working long after they were past retirement age--kinda like the way Cher has to now." --JAY LENO

"Earlier today Iraqi legislators ended a three-month impasse by approving a Cabinet for new Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari. The new Prime Minister is a Shi'a, the new President is a Kurd, and--as always, of course--the Transportation Secretary is Hispanic." --JON STEWART

"Top 10 questions to ask yourself before camping out to see Star Wars ... No. 4: Does Starbucks let guys dressed as galactic bounty hunters use their bathroom?" --DAVID LETTERMAN

"According to a new poll, Laura Bush's popularity rating is 80%, while President Bush's rating is down to 47%. When she heard this, Laura said, 'Hey, it's just like our grades in college.'" --CONAN O'BRIEN