Shaq Attack On Florida Coast!

By Sora Song

Talk about some huge shoes to fill. The city of Los Angeles lost one of its biggest celebrities--7 ft. 1 in., 340 lbs., with size-22 sneakers--when the L.A. Lakers traded their indomitable center, SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, to the Miami Heat last week. After the Lakers' surprising loss to the Detroit Pistons in the NBA finals last month and coach Phil Jackson's subsequent departure, Shaq packed his bags and said he wanted to "play for a team that's willing to win." (As opposed to all those fools who think the point is to lose.) So, in a power-sapping trade, the Lakers let O'Neal go in return for three Heat starters--Lamar Odom, Brian Grant and Caron Butler--plus a future first-round draft pick. The Lakers did manage to hang on to guard and persistent O'Neal rival Kobe Bryant, whose sexual-assault trial begins in August. What's sports lingo for Pyrrhic victory?