"Oh, God, Help Me Get Through It"

By NANCY GIBBS, Richard Stengel

TIME: When the Army recruiter came to your house, what did he say?

JESSICA LYNCH: He talked about how you could travel and see all these different kinds of places. And then he was like, "You can get an education while you go there." And I was like, "Yeah, you know that would be cool if I could have a job plus go to school at the same time. Yeah, that would be cool."

TIME: You were still here in Palestine, W.Va., on Sept. 11, right? What was that like?

JL: I was scared, actually, myself because I knew that a week later I would be going off to the Army, and that scared me. So I did try to back out of it. But then I thought, Nah. I still wanted to go and serve my country, even if it did mean going over there, but I never actually thought I'd get hurt or anything.

TIME: And you re-enlisted a year ago while still stationed in Texas?

JL: Yes, I signed a paper saying they would have to send me to Hawaii if I re-enlisted.

TIME: And then, in between, you learned you were going to Iraq?

JL: That just happened. It was time for deployment.

TIME: What did they tell you to expect? What you trained for [maintenance and supply] obviously wasn't what happened.

JL: We had to do the whole weapons qualification again to make sure that we knew how to operate a weapon, but also we did a lot of training with gas masks. In a sense we were ready, but we weren't ready for an ambush attack.

TIME: Did you feel your commanding officer had the training and equipment he needed to do his job?

JL: Yeah, I think he did. I think it was just all a big mistake that happened. Just fatigue, sleepiness, the whole thing--we were just not prepared.

TIME: What were your impressions when you got there?

JL: It was completely not what I was expecting.

TIME: What were you expecting?

JL: At least roads. But all that was really there was sand.

TIME: There is a certain point at which people are firing on you.

JL: It was scary. It was one of the most scary times you could possibly be in. I mean it was like, Oh, God, you know, help me get through it. There was nothing you could do but fire back. But since my weapon jammed, there was nothing I could do to defend myself. I couldn't defend the four other people in my vehicle. It just felt like it was never going to end.

TIME: If your weapon hadn't jammed, you would have been ...

JL: Firing, of course. But it would still have been nervous and scary.

TIME: You said they hadn't trained you for an ambush?

JL: Yeah, well, I don't really know how you could train someone for an ambush. I guess it was just more, Defend yourself, get out of there alive.

TIME: Why do you think they didn't kill you like they killed the others?

JL: They could have. I don't know. God saved me. That's one of God's prayers, I guess.

TIME: At one point at the Nasiriyah hospital, some of the orderlies put you in an ambulance. Did you know that they were trying to take you back to the Americans then?

JL: No, I actually thought they were taking me out to kill me, to hurt me. Once we got back, they told me, "We tried to deliver you to the Americans, but they started to shoot at us." They started talking to me about how they were wanting to give me back.

TIME: Was there any pain medicine they could give you?

JL: No, they weren't giving me stuff like that. There was this old lady, though. She would come, and she would rub my back with some kind of powder, and she would sing me a song. And that would kind of calm me down and make the back stop hurting for a little bit, but it was still so much pain.

TIME: At that point, what could you move?

JL: Nothing. I couldn't move either leg or this arm, of course, and plus my back. I couldn't sit up or anything.

TIME: Did you think you were going to die there?

JL: No, I wouldn't let myself think that. If it happened, it was going to happen but not because I gave up or because I wanted to die. There was no way I was going to give up hope that I was going to get back to America.

TIME: Were you trying not to show that you were in pain?

JL: Of course, they could see I was in pain--that was obvious--but I was afraid that if I showed them extreme pain and anger, that would show them that I was completely weak--I was weak in my head. I wasn't--I was bound to get out of there.

TIME: What did you think when you saw the American soldiers who came to get you?

JL: I was kind of scared, thinking, Well, maybe this isn't real. Maybe they're just trying to trick me to go with Iraqis dressed in our soldiers' suits that they killed, you know? But once the guy started talking to me, explaining stuff, I thought, Wow, yeah, it's true. It's amazing! And once that guy gave me his hand, I would not let go. I was not going to be left behind, not again.

TIME: Do you feel lucky?

JL: I do feel lucky that I survived or that I can even sit up, that I am not paralyzed or that I am walking. I mean, it's such a great feeling. I feel lucky that I am here.

TIME: How does it feel to be treated like a hero?

JL: Overwhelming. It's just unbelievable the things people want to do, to take a picture of my house or something that I own. It makes them feel good, and I don't know what to say. I'm still the same person, you know.

TIME: Who are the people you consider heroes?

JL: Well, obviously the ones that came and rescued me--they're my big heroes. And Lori. She could have gave up right there, said, "You know, I can't do this." But no, she stayed calm and cool, had everything together.

TIME: Has this all affected your view of women in the military?

JL: You know, women are equal to men. We may not be physically strong or something, but if women can't be in the military, you're going to have your son or your grandson or your father or your brother that's out there, who may not want to be there and who may still get hurt.

TIME: Do you follow what's going on in Iraq now?

JL: I flip through the channels, and [news] will catch my eye, and I watch it. But I try not to too much because I am trying to move past this. It's kind of hard not to watch--but yet at the same time, I don't want to sit there and constantly watch it. I can't deal with that.

TIME: You still think you might want to leave Palestine?

JL: Yeah, but only because I want to travel. I know I'll always keep roots here, always be here. But I just want to get out and see different things. I am still planning on going back to college. I would still like to see Hawaii.