The Summer of Bruce

By Bruce Handy/Glynis Sweeny

My parents always said it was a nice Scottish name. But back in the '60s, when I was a kid, Bruce was for some reason the jokey, archetypal name for male hairdressers and interior designers, as Tex is for cowboys. In those days, unfortunately, I wasn't secure about my own masculinity.

It could've been worse. You could've been Ralph III.

My late dad Ralph Handy Jr.

There was even a novelty song called Big Bad Bruce. It was a parody of a John Henry-style folk ballad about a beautician who "swished into town."

Never said much Kind of quite and shy When he spoke at all It was just to say, "HI"*

*Actual lyrics. Add breathy insinuation to the word HI.

All the kids loved Batman. But what was his alter ego, Bruce Wayne, doing living in a mansion with a teenage "ward"?

What IS a ward?

A friend. They're just FRIENDS.

Bruce Lee, Bruce Springsteen and Bruce Willis came along in the '70s and '80s. And there was that Monty Python sketch about drunk Australians named Bruce. Still, it wasn't what you'd call a butch name. A girl I once dated got teased by her friends.

You went to a party crawling with straight men, and you gave your number to a guy named Bruce who works at Vogue*?!

*It's true. My first job was as an editorial assistant at Vogue magazine.

Today, Bruce just reads as sort of risibly effete. Take the premise of Jim Carrey's latest movie. A guy named Bruce becomes God? That's FUNNY! But a guy with a "regular" name ...

Tim Almighty...?? Rick Almighty...?? There MUST be a name that will strike the pitch-perfect note of amusing incongruity ...

Of course, now that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a big hit on TV and the media are celebrating metrosexuals--unusually stylish straight men who aren't afraid of facials and pedicures--Bruce may be gaining new relevance.

You gave your number to a guy named Bruce who works at Vogue?

Does he have friends?