People

By Lev Grossman

STOP! OR MY BEARD WILL SHOOT

JAMES GANDOLFINI has made HBO an offer it apparently can refuse. Gandolfini wants his Sopranos salary bumped up from its current rate--a Dickensian $400,000 an episode--to more than $1 million, and to tighten the screws, he sued HBO over an alleged contract violation. Not only would HBO's brass not budge, but they countersued Gandolfini for $100 million and delayed the March 24 start of production of the show's fifth season. HBO lawyer Bert Fields dismissed the actor's attempt to hold a gun to the network's head: "It's really a water pistol--and it doesn't even have any water in it." You can see his point--like Hollywood isn't full of heavyset, balding actors to fill the part? Tom Arnold, your time is now!

CAST FROM THE PAST

Like fresh tires, new stars can give classic old vehicles a lift. But like retreads, they don't always fit. Will these stars measure up?

ACTOR Jim Carrey

WHO HE'S REPLACING Danny Kaye in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

CAN HE PULL IT OFF? Why not? They both have that rubber-face thing going on. Thurber would have approved.

ACTOR John Travolta

WHO HE'S REPLACING Jimmy Stewart in Harvey

CAN HE PULL IT OFF? Yikes! Travolta lacks Stewart's whole-some charm. Even the comic chops he honed in Look Who's Talking Now won't save him.

ACTOR Steve Martin

WHO HE'S REPLACING Cary Grant in Topper

CAN HE PULL IT OFF? Dicey. But Grant wouldn't blame him for trying. "Everybody wants to be Cary Grant," he once said. "Even I want to be Cary Grant."

Selling the T Shirt off Her Back

For punk princess AVRIL LAVIGNE, charity began in the T-shirt bin at a thrift store, where she found a sporty green-and-gold number that she wore in the video for her song Sk8ter Boi. Turns out the T shirt came from a Wilkesboro, N.C., elementary school, which has since been inundated with calls from fans looking to buy one. The result? A windfall for the school, which was struggling to find cash to pay for new computers. Maybe it could pay Lavigne back by teaching her how to spell skater and boy.

Where Was Cheech?

Nobody seems to be sure exactly what German police found in DON JOHNSON'S car when they stopped him at the Swiss border. He says they're legitimate business documents. The Germans say they're $8 billion in credit notes, checks and securities, and they're investigating a possible link between the Miami Vice star and an international money-laundering operation. According to Johnson, the papers weren't even his--he was merely on his way to shop for a new car. One thing is certain in all this: had it been David Hasselhoff, you just know they would have let him off with a warning.