People

By Benjamin Nugent

W.'S KIN: NEW AMBASSADOR TO GUYLAND?

For all the Bush clan's power, the phrase "looks fine in calendars" is not often said of its members. But LAUREN BUSH, 17, the President's niece, is the cover girl of next year's legendary Pirelli Calendar, a collection of top-shelf babe portraiture that the tiremaker sends to customers and celebrities. "She was selected as a tribute to America after the Sept. 11 attacks," said a Pirelli spokeswoman, because she "epitomizes America and all it stands for." Bush, who has modeled for Tommy Hilfiger, shares 2002 with actresses Mena Suvari (November) and Julia Stiles (December), among others. One catch: this year the subjects are scantily clad, not nude, as they used to be. When her grandparents heard that, said Lauren, "they were even more pleased."

X-MAN LANDS IN CHARM SCHOOL

There is one inevitable rite of passage for A-list actors eager to prove range: the period role. After all, it's easy to look like a leading man while firing an M-16; less so while wearing tights. Aussie hunk HUGH JACKMAN'S Danskin moment arrives in the upcoming contempo-period piece hybrid, Kate & Leopold. In the film, Jackman portrays a 19th century English duke transported to the 21st century who--what else?--grows smitten with a Manhattan corporate climber (MEG RYAN). Having depicted high-testosterone men in X-Men and Swordfish, he says the role "was a big challenge, though I have quite a bit of English blood. I had to go back to England and hire a coach to teach me some manners." But experience in musicals made him ready for at least one scene that called for a "double-up at the piano," as he puts it. Stop smirking, Mel.

Gene-eology

The unexamined life isn't worth living--even if that life has entailed becoming incomprehensibly rich on a roller-coaster ride of sex, tongue wriggling and rock 'n' roll. No wonder then that GENE SIMMONS, the bassist for Kiss, has laid down his life story--from his birth in Israel as Chaim Witz to his band's farewell tour--in a new autobiography, Kiss and Make-Up. Along with dirt on drug-crazed bandmates ("No different than your dad, who, when he comes home, gets drunk and becomes a moron," he tells TIME) and his relationships with Cher and Diana Ross ("I loved both women," he says, "and of course my problem, my blessing and my curse is that I love all women"). Still, he hastens to add, "Everything I've ever done is really because America and its people have given me a chance to do it." If his prose won't win any Pulitzers, at least the President has a possible new speechwriter.

SHOWDOWN AT THE CHARITY RANCH

So, what's really going on under DON IMUS' cowboy hat when he's glowering off into the distance? Last week smart money would say it had something to do with HOWARD STERN. The longer-haired of the two radio shock jocks took aim at Imus' charity ranch in New Mexico, where the famously cantankerous broadcaster puts up kids with cancer and gives them chores (example: gardening) intended to heighten appreciation for old-fashioned, outdoorsy values. On his show, Stern termed the ranch a "scam." "These cancer kids show up, and Imus just lets them work on the ranch for free labor," he reportedly said. "Today's fun activity is, 'You're going to paint the barn, kids.'" Imus' rebuttal? "He could open up his own ranch and spank lesbians and humiliate drunken dwarves or whatever he does," he tells TIME. He adds, "I see great promise for him in his own great scam." Listening, kids? Old-fashioned values at work.