People

By Josh Tyrangiel

HE'S SUPER--THANKS FOR ASKING

In the face of rampant rumors and even a prime-time grilling from Barbara Walters, RICKY MARTIN has gracefully kept his sexuality a well-guarded secret. But the woman rumored to be Martin's girlfriend is ripping off the closet doors to expose Ricky as the greatest Latin lover since Casanova cruised through the 18th century. Prefacing her remarks with "I'm not supposed to talk about this," Ines Misan told the New York Post that Martin "is all man," graciously noting that "on a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give him a 20." As if that didn't clarify matters, the 20-year-old Latvian model addressed the whispers of Martin's homosexuality more directly: "It's like a joke. I wish every man were so gay." Despite the kind words, Martin's reps insist the two are "just friends."

HOW MARRIAGE HAS TAMED HER

So nervous were MTV and VH1 last week that they aired the video for MADONNA's What It Feels Like for a Girl only once--and late at night. Too hot for those wusses. But not for us. Print is the only medium tough enough to handle the kind of graphic violence and unblinking social commentary handed out in the clip directed by husband Guy Ritchie. Plus you can read it over and over in the light of day. The video depicts Madonna behind the wheel of a yellow Camaro with a front license plate that reads "Pussy" and a rear plate that reads "Cat." She slams into leering young men and scratches a police car before picking up an elderly woman at a lewdly named old-folks' home. Then Madonna and gal pal switch to a red Trans Am, set fire to a gas station, run over street hockey players and execute a Thelma & Louise-style crash into a pole. Madonna says her character is "acting out a fantasy and doing things girls are not supposed to do." She and Ritchie will continue their act again soon: the two will do an ad for BMW.

A Stand-Up Guy

JERRY SEINFELD came out of early retirement last week to bring the world up to date on everything he's been doing for the past three years. It took about eight minutes. In an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman, Seinfeld shared the obligatory picture of his four-month-old daughter Sascha and chatted about his annual head-clearing cross-country drives. His stand-up material consisted of diatribes against people who ask other people to say hello for them; Jared, the formerly obese Subway-sandwich dieter; and the folks at Pizza Hut, who insist on hiding cheese in every possible crevice of their product. It was not a radical departure from his previous work. Seinfeld did break from routine a bit in displaying a previously unseen blue streak, as "ass" and "mofo" exploded from his mouth with Martin Lawrence-esque ease. Kids really do change you.

KOBE DECLINES TO READ ALL ABOUT IT

It's one thing for KOBE BRYANT and Shaquille O'Neal to have an ongoing personality conflict. But now Bryant isn't doing his homework, and that's the kind of behavior his coach just won't tolerate. In an interview with the Chicago Sun-Times, Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson said his 22-year-old superstar was bored with the team's offense and a potentially divisive force in the locker room, but perhaps more ominously, a slack reader. Jackson assigned the Italian-raised Bryant Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres because "Kobe's a real Mediterranean kid," said Jackson. "I thought the book would be a good look at the culture he's attached to. It's a beautiful book. Tragic. But he didn't like it. Last year I gave him a book by Paul Beatty, The White Boy Shuffle, about a black youth who grows up in a white community. But Kobe had no affinity for it. He's not willing to let someone else's ideas penetrate his mind." Or perhaps he just prefers the top picks on Amazon.com