News Quiz

By Kathleen Adams, Melissa August, Val Castronovo, Randy Hartwell, Ellin Martens, Joseph Pierro, Josh Tyrangiel and Leigh Anne Williams

1. A Washington police officer filed an injury claim for $57,000 because:

a) an African-American speeder wouldn't sit still and be beaten b) $58,000 seemed a little high c) other cops call him "Li'l Sipowicz" d) his gun holster caused hip pain

2. George W. Bush:

a) has the worst breath in K-5 b) is the boy who eats paste in The Boy Who Eats Paste c) is visiting a school in Tennessee d) smoked Timmy on the "Who's the President?" question

3. The XFL is giving advertisers free airtime because:

a) paying the advertisers was too costly b) ratings are below promised levels c) internal organs of kick returners are bringing higher revenues than expected

4. Hillary Clinton's brother Hugh Rodham made nearly $400,000 by:

a) eating a 78-oz. fudge log in one sitting b) lobbying President Clinton for pardons c) ghostwriting one page of the book for which his sister got an $8 mil advance

5. The market for seal penises is waning because:

a) the seal-penis hat craze is over b) Viagra is a more reliable virility drug c) more female seals claim to be suffering from headaches

ANSWERS: 1-d, 2-c, 3-b, 4-b, 5-b