Play El Jefe's Name Game!

By Kathleen Adams, Melissa August, Val Castronovo, Randy Hartwell, Ellin Martens, Joseph Pierro, Josh Tyrangiel and Leigh Anne Williams

When President Bush (a.k.a. Bushie; Dubya) surveyed the sea of reporters at a press conference last week and asked, "Where's Stretch?" it revived interest in D.C.'s hottest parlor game: Guess the Nickname. "Stretch" is an easy one, if not especially original--it can apply to either David Gregory of NBC News or, as at the press confab, Richard Keil of Bloomberg. Both are about 6 ft. 6 in. Other nicknames are being overheard at photo ops, D.C. dinners and Cabinet meetings. While Bush's method appears scattershot, we have--eureka!--discerned a pattern to the moniker madness.

Figure Out What They Do, Call Them That

HOUSE SPEAKER Dennis Hastert Speak

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER Trent Lott Leader Laura Bush First

FORTY-FIRST PRESIDENT George H. Bush 41 Senator Ted Kennedy Senator

Show Due Deference To Close Advisers And Intellectual Betters

COUNSELLOR TO PRESIDENT Karen Hughes High Prophet

NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER Condi Rice Guru

SENIOR ADVISER Karl Rove Boy Genius

FEMA DIRECTOR Joe Allbaugh Big Country

Take Their Name, Change It to Spanish

Candy Crowley (CNN) Dulce

Carl Cameron (Fox News) Camerones

Senator Paul Wellstone Pablo

Frank Bruni (N.Y. Times) Panchito

Martha Brant(Newsweek) Martita

Rep. George Miller El Grande Jorge

What Would We Have Called Him at the Frat House?

Rep. Fred Upton Freddo

Economic Affairs Asst. Larry Lindsey Thunderbolt Lindsey

Sen. Max Baucus Maxie

Gov. Paul Cellucci Cellooch

Judge Lee Jackson Action Jackson

Texas Attorney General John Cornyn Corndog