People

By Josh Tyrangiel

THE DESPONDENT/HAPPY COUPLE

"Puffy" and "J-Lo," SEAN COMBS and JENNIFER LOPEZ to the nickname impaired, are over. Then again, Puffy and J-Lo are not over. It is an amorous seesaw that holds the nation rapt in tepid curiosity. The New York Daily News reported last week that Lopez quietly split from Combs several months ago and has been seeing a dancer named Chris--who lacks not only a nickname but a surname--whom she met while making her Love Don't Cost a Thing video. The callipygian queen instantly denied the story, her spokesperson intoning that Lopez and Combs "are absolutely together." Unconvinced, the Daily News responded that Lopez and Combs, whose trial on weapons-possession and bribery charges starts in New York this week, had merely reached an agreement to remain together in public for the sake of his pretrial image. The jury will surely be impressed by Puffy's commitment, real or otherwise, to a hot movie star.

More of Him to Love

When he retired from the NBA in May, CHARLES BARKLEY gave himself the gift of corpulence. "I'm 37," says Barkley. "I've worked out every day since I was nine. So I gave myself six months off from being in shape." By eating whatever he wanted, playing golf every day and drinking Grey Goose vodka with cranberry juice every night, Barkley added 70 lbs. to his frame. By Jan. 1 he had hit 337 lbs. Now, in his new gig as a TNT studio analyst, he's submitting himself to humiliating weekly weigh-ins in a bid to get back in shape. "I don't drink anymore," he says, over the phone. "Well, I only drink two days a week, and I restrict myself to a six-pack." Somehow, Barkley has dropped 13 lbs., though his proud testimonial is drowned out by chewing noises. "I'm eating cantaloupe." With prosciutto? "Shut up!" O.K., then.

COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR

After a career plagued by huge expectations, a 1994 drug arrest and a rather embarrassing shoplifting incident, the former everything-that's-wrong-with-modern-sports poster girl, JENNIFER CAPRIATI, 24, finally made good on all of her promise by whupping Martina Hingis 6-4, 6-3 in the final of the Australian Open, notching her first-ever Grand Slam tournament. "I got the chills," said Capriati, who wept after slamming a backhand winner on the first match point past Hingis for the championship. Hingis, 20, had never lost to Capriati in five previous matches, but Capriati actually used her underdog status--she was seeded 12th--and newly discovered maturity to her advantage. "I thought, 'Why be nervous? She has everything to lose. Just go for it.'" In addition to winning a legion of fans, she'll take home $473,385 and leap to seventh place in this week's rankings, the first time she's been in the top 10 since she quit the tour in 1994.

LOOK WHAT THE CATWALK DRAGGED IN

Let's not be coy. You have no plans to rush out and buy the latest $10,000 magazine-dress with matching velvet smoking glove hat. No, you're looking at these photos because you want to know what those madcap geniuses were up to at the haute-couture fashion shows in Paris last week. In a naked plea for publicity, Seredin and Vasilev unveiled a dress made from Vogue covers (left), as well as a knockoff of the classic Chanel suit done entirely in not-quite-body-covering pearls. Christian Lacroix appeared to take inspiration from the fluttery fashions of ice skaters (lower right), clashing patterns, colors and whatever else he could find. Elle noted Lacroix was "both sublime and ridiculous." Of course he was. Finally, John Galliano's collection (far right) for Christian Dior was inspired by Wonder Woman. Models re-enacted the recent history of female liberation, beginning as Eisenhower-era suburban consumers accessorized with Brillo pads, teacups and plastic babies, and ending as heavy-metal superhero chicks in ripped clothes and boots. Fashion history really is the best history.

Still Waiting for Her Book on the Judds

The Bush family detests the term dynasty because of its unfortunate association with the term monarchy, which is a form of government Americans are rumored not to like very much (sales of PEOPLE magazine to the contrary). The Bushes probably aren't all that thrilled, then, that celebrity snoop KITTY KELLEY--whose previous tomes alleged that Frank Sinatra dallied with Nancy Reagan, young Queen Elizabeth had an insatiable sex drive and Princess Diana had halitosis--has decided to make clan Bush the target of her next major work. The as-yet-untitled epic will examine the family's history and, no doubt, will attempt to shed a bit more light on the still elusive 20 years George W. spent from his time at Yale to when he bought the Texas Rangers. Kelley received a seven-figure advance from Doubleday, which, the Bushes will also be pleased to note, expects Kelley to finish the book in time for the 2004 presidential election.

LOOKS MORE LIKE KEITH RICHARDS

As if the phrase scientific fieldwork didn't conjure up enough images of toe rings, bandannas and Birkenstocks, a team of researchers from the University of Utah cemented the scientist/stoner equation forever this week by naming a dinosaur after ex-Dire Straits frontman MARK KNOPFLER. Masiakasaurus knopfleri was discovered in Madagascar and christened after the aging rock star because the researchers listened to a lot of Brothers in Arms while working under the hot island sun. Masiakasaurus lived during the late Cretaceous period and was probably 5 ft. to 6 ft. long, weighed in at 80 lbs. and sported protruding snaggleteeth used to gore its prey. Oddly, Knopfler was pleased by the tribute. "I'm really delighted. The fact that it's a dinosaur is certainly apt," says Knopfler, 51, "but I'm happy to report that I'm not in the least vicious." Unlike the terrifying Madonnasaurus rex.