People

By Josh Tyrangiel

SIEGFRIED AND ROY, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION

When STEVE IRWIN, the heavily caffeinated host of Animal Planet's Crocodile Hunter, does his trademark spread-legged jump-on-the-back-of-a-croc maneuver, you can almost hear the Air Supply tunes playing in his head. The man loves his reptiles, deeply. Apparently, the feeling is not always mutual. While trying his special brand of crocodile concupiscence last week at Australia Zoo, 60 miles north of Brisbane, a 13-year-old, 176-lb. female saltwater croc named Toolakea spun on Irwin and removed a juicy morsel from his leg. "She did a huge, big, full-bodied shake," says Irwin, "and as she came down, she sensed my skin and just--chomp--sank her teeth into my leg and did a head shake." Multiple stitches later, Irwin gracefully admitted, "The poor little female was just defending herself." Perhaps if he had understood that 'No means no,' she wouldn't have had to.

Boom-Boom Baby

If reportage of that special stain on Monica Lewinsky's dress rubbed you the wrong way, now would be a good time to turn to the always hysterical News Quiz...O.K. Tennis great BORIS BECKER, target of a $4.8 million paternity suit filed by Russian model Angela Ermakova in a London court, is, according to numerous European press reports, preparing a defense that accuses Ermakova of impregnating herself with his sperm following an oral- sex rendezvous in the broom closet of a London restaurant. German and British reports also had Becker's attorneys trying to draw a link between Ermakova and the Russian mob, which may have used his philandering in an extortion attempt. Becker, who was divorced from wife Barbara Feltus earlier in the week, says simply that the mob stuff is "speculation" and "is not true." "There is a baby named Anna, and a DNA test will determine who is the mother and who is the father." And then we can all get back to Anna Kournikova.

ALMOST-BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN

They were Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward to a subculture of disenfranchised goth fanatics. But beneath the opaline makeup and behind the strong, godless front, MARILYN MANSON and ROSE MCGOWAN were hiding domestic despair. "There is great love," the couple noted in a statement announcing the abrupt end of their three-year relationship and almost two-year engagement, "but our lifestyle difference is, unfortunately, even greater." While both enjoyed displaying their iridescent rear ends at award shows, re-creating the Kennedy assassination for kicks and generally freakin' out the straights, McGowan was reportedly unhappy about her fiance's vagabond tour schedule, which keeps him away from home for months on end. (Manson starts his Guns, God and Government tour in Birmingham, England, this week.) Now their nihilistic fans will just have to hope Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake can hang on--and get a whole lot weirder.

THIS NEVER SEEMS TO HAPPEN TO PHIL JACKSON

He has a dream. A dream that one day tiny basketball coaches will be judged by the content of their character and not by how ludicrous they look stepping into the conflagrations of men twice their size. JEFF VAN GUNDY'S dream is still unrealized. In 1998 the 5-ft. 9-in. Knick coach rode out a New York-Miami playoff brawl attached like a poodle to the leg of 6-ft. 10-in. man-mountain Alonzo Mourning. It wasn't his finest moment, but he escaped unharmed. This time, he wasn't so lucky. On Martin Luther King Day, Van Gundy tried to make peace between warring Knick MARCUS CAMBY and elbowing Spur DANNY FERRY. Camby, 6 ft. 11 in., swung at and missed Ferry, 6 ft. 10 in., but slipped and knocked heads with Van Gundy, spilling little-man blood all over the Madison Square Garden floor and sending the coach to the locker room for 15 stitches. "Last time I got their guy, this time I got my guy," said Van Gundy. "Next time I'll stay the heck out of the way."