Letters

What Divorce Does to Kids

"The idea that parents must suffer for the children is an outdated model of martyrdom. It creates victims in two generations at once." MICHAEL SENN Santa Monica, Calif.

Is it better for parents in a bad marriage to divorce or stay together for the kids' sake? The issue comes down to one thing: the truth [SOCIETY, Sept. 25]. Are we so blind as to think that a child cannot see through parents' fake smiles? You cannot blame divorce for children's problems. A bad marriage will stay a bad marriage whether it continues or ends in divorce. What is most important is that parents act like adults and get along as mother and father forever, even if they are no longer husband and wife. NATALIE CARKNER Cary, Ill.

For baby-boomer parents, staying together and not divorcing involves something that most of them find wholly unacceptable: sacrificing their all-important selves for something larger--the family and, by extension, the next generation. It's time to turn away from the primacy of the self as the most essential element of a meaningful life. MAUREEN BOYLE Falls Church, Va.

I am a child of divorce, and I consider myself blessed. My parents acted like civilized adults when it came to me. They didn't use me as a Ping-Pong ball or as a vehicle to hurt each other. This is the key: what matters is not the divorce but how the parents act in the aftermath.

Most kids have two parents that love them; I have four! My stepfamilies are as dear to me as my blood kin. I wouldn't give them up for anything in the world. My advice to couples considering divorce: try hard to stay together, work at it, try everything, but don't do it just for the sake of your kids. Divorce may be a failure of marriage, but it does not have to be a failure of family. RACHEL WELLS Fort Worth, Texas

Is it right to teach our children that a bad marriage is better than no marriage? I think not! My children are a product of my marriage as well as my divorce. I have always tried to teach them that my mistakes are not theirs and they should base their decisions on their experiences in life, not mine. My parents should have divorced years ago, and their experience made me realize that I would never stay in any relationship in which I was not happy. I think it is more important to let children know that both parents love them and are there for them. If the parents can't live together, then they should live apart and be happy. What does growing up in a loveless marriage do to children? JANET E. LONG Wilmington, N.C.

When parents divorce, it's the children who are caught in the cross fire. Once the lawyers have taken their cut and the property is divided, the divorce may indeed be final. But it's never over. For many caught in the middle, its legacy lingers. JONATHAN WEAVER Portland, Ore.

As the product of a broken home, I can vouch for the thesis that the harm done by divorce is long lasting. My parents split up when I was six years old. At age 51, I have still not come to terms with it, and I doubt I ever will. It should not be taken for granted, however, that all children of divorce end up divorced themselves. Growing up, I vowed to provide my own children with something I was myself denied--a stable home in which both biological parents are present. Of my life's proudest accomplishments, I rank it No. 1. STEVEN R. BUTLER Richardson, Texas

To say an acrimonious marriage is preferable to a divorce fits into the same category as believing greed is good. As parents, we are supposedly models of what a loving relationship can be. If we can't fill that role, we are doing the child more harm than good. DAVID LELAND Capitola, Calif.

What is the message we send to children about relationships if we stay in an unhealthy marriage? Isn't it better for children to learn that the healthy person faces adversity and deals with it? Sometimes this may include moving on to create a better life. LAURIE LARSON Cold Spring, Minn.

Thank goodness for divorce. What could be worse than staying in a bad marriage and wishing, hoping, crying and praying it could be different, with the children witnessing constant conflict, arguments, nastiness or, worse, apathy? Divorce is no picnic, but your article should have been more sympathetic to readers who just can't live with their spouse any longer and have the courage to do something about it. MICHELE SLATER Wilton, Conn.

My parents were married for 16 years and stayed together the last five for the "children's sake." It was a nightmare. They didn't fight in front of us or show hatred or contempt for each other. They were loving to my brother and me, but their indifference to each other was hard to watch. When my father finally left, a great big cloud lifted off our home. I wish they had divorced years earlier. Staying together because of the kids can be worse than divorce. I know--I lived it. JO-ANN M. PATTULLO Crestview, Fla.

Gambling on College Sports

Proposed congressional legislation to ban legal sports betting in Nevada [BIG MONEY & POLITICS, Sept. 25] has serious flaws, and there are good reasons for it not to become law. There is no credible evidence that eliminating legal, regulated sports betting for adults in Nevada would do anything to stop the illegal gambling occurring on our nation's college campuses and elsewhere. Many independent experts agree with us that this legislation is a cosmetic response to a real problem on college campuses, yet none were cited in your article. Instead of a "feel-good" measure, we in the gaming industry are advocating common-sense, alternative legislation that would truly make a difference. These bills would increase enforcement and penalties for illegal gambling. If the bill to ban legal sports betting in Nevada is not approved, it's because Congress recognized it for what it is: an air ball aimed at stopping illegal sports betting. FRANK J. FAHRENKOPF JR. President & CEO American Gaming Association Washington

Legal sports betting on college games is a widely recognized source of many problems, including game rigging and point shaving, because of its all-pervasive nature and the money and pressure involved. It is simply common sense to minimize this threat to amateur sports. College athletes--most of whom have little money--are particularly vulnerable to the entreaties of bettors. However, your story confirms that we are up against a Goliath. The gaming industry has succeeded in stalling bills in both the House and Senate that would ban legal wagering on college sports--legislation that congressional leaders have said would be adopted if it reaches the floor. Banning sports gambling will not eliminate all the problems in intercollegiate athletics, but it is a solid and necessary first step. STANLEY O. IKENBERRY, PRESIDENT American Council on Education Washington

I was surprised to see myself quoted in your article on sports wagering, especially since my remarks appeared in a context that might lead some readers to believe I support John McCain's bill that would end legal betting on college sports in Nevada. That legislation is an example of good intentions run amuck and would exacerbate, not alleviate, the very problem it seeks to address. If Senator McCain and the NCAA truly want to control the problem, they should advocate the legalization of sports wagering in all states. Then, as in Nevada today, the process would be carefully regulated, heavily taxed and honestly conducted. RICHARD O. DAVIES University Foundation Professor of History University of Nevada Reno, Nev.

Am I the only American who is disgusted by the fact that our government can be bought by the Nevada gaming industry for $2 million a year? While your article was insightful, it did not address the real issue behind the decline of our government: the apathy of our citizens. TYLER NOALL Cleveland, Ohio

Tests Don't Scare Her

I was excited to talk to your reporter about the Texas Assessment of Academic Skills and how we students learn to do well on the exams [EDUCATION, Sept. 11]. Your story included part of a quote from me about my reaction to the TAAS: "Your heart starts pounding, and you think, 'I'm going to go blank.'" But I was disappointed that you didn't publish some other things I told your reporter. I also said, "But then you see the questions, and you think, 'Oh, I know this stuff.'" The story made it sound like I was scared, and I was not. SARAH TELANEUS, age 11 Denton, Texas

Gender Identification

Re your story on Zachary/Aurora Lipscomb, the boy who is being raised as a girl [BEHAVIOR, Sept. 25]: the diagnosis of "gender-identity disorder" seems to have been based mostly on his fashion preferences. Why not a more detailed report on this subject? You could put together a wonderful article showing the jeweled and embroidered robes, the wigs, the earrings and necklaces that virile men of other times and cultures have delighted in. Maybe you could even find someone to explain why it should be a sign of psychiatric illness for a 21st century boy to like them. PATRICIA S. BOWNE Milwaukee, Wis.

I was a live-in caretaker for a little boy who, like Zachary, suffered from an autism-related disorder. He loved dresses, jewelry, feather boas, glitter makeup and other things considered "feminine." Still, his parents and I were careful not to assign a gender to his activities, as he had not yet done so himself. I only hope Zachary wasn't rushed into his decision by parents who seem to have numerous other issues of their own they need to deal with first. SARA SCHROEDER Newton, Mass.

Disorder this, disorder that--there are so many disorders to explain people who vary from the norm that it's insane. People are more than just chemical reactions, and we do not all need to be clones of the same prototype. I applaud the Lipscombs for doing the best they can and striving for better. CAROLYN SUAREZ Olympia, Wash.

Gender-Identity Disorder has long been a recognized condition and is routinely treated in specialized clinics set up for that purpose. None of the work should be done in a vacuum. The parents and, working through them, the child should be familiarized with the reactions they can expect as the child explores gender identity. Even so, by maintaining a low profile and respecting the privacy of both the child and his family, those reactions can be minimized. The child should be treated as a patient with an eminently treatable disorder, not as a billboard for social change. TOMYE KELLEY Institute for Gender Study & Treatment Arvada, Colo.

Perrier's Wisconsin Well

We were very disappointed by Steve Lopez's biased report of Perrier's bid for a high-capacity-well permit near the Wisconsin communities of New Haven and Newport [AMERICAN SCENE, Sept. 25]. Perrier has not been indifferent to the environment or to local concerns but has gone to extraordinary lengths to include the residents. According to Wisconsin's Department of Natural Resources, Perrier has agreed to the most restrictive high-capacity-well permit ever issued in the state. The company will continue to extend its scientific testing and monitoring in the months ahead. Our permit absolutely guarantees there will be no significant adverse impacts on surface and wetland resources around the spring. JANE LAZGIN Director, Corporate Communications Perrier Group of America Greenwich, Conn.

Also Runners

Too bad Michael Kinsley didn't provide a real "voter's guide" on Ralph Nader and Pat Buchanan, as the title of his piece led me to expect [ESSAY, Sept. 25]. The occasional bone thrown by the press to these candidates by actually mentioning their names never includes details about real issues. We hear daily what George W. Bush and Al Gore plan to do if they get to the White House. I want more information on Nader and Buchanan. ROSE M. RUMMEL-EURY Portland, Ore.

Nader and Buchanan are the only serious candidates in this election. The two third-party candidates are running, unlike Gore and Bush, on strong, sincere platforms. Both are addressing key issues that are mostly ignored by the two major parties. It is imperative, for the sake of democracy, that Nader and Buchanan take part in the presidential debates. Their participation would not only ensure that crucial issues are addressed but would also draw more voters to the polls. LENNY SAPOZHNIKOV Washington

Questionable Motives

The espionage case against nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee should never have been brought [NATION, Sept. 25]. Other government employees who downloaded secret data have not been prosecuted, chief among them former CIA Director John Deutch. The difference seems to be that, without any evidence whatsoever, the prosecutors believed Deutch was acting innocently and Lee intended to steal nuclear secrets. Were their beliefs based on an anti-Asian bias? The conditions of Lee's confinement were coercive and designed to force him to plead guilty to the indictment. Lee's conviction should be expunged and his civil rights restored. DANIEL MILLSTONE New York City

Lee downloaded material on thermonuclear warheads from the Los Alamos National Laboratory's computer-storage system and transferred a copy to his personal, unsecured computer. He denies everything except mishandling secret information. How can he have the nerve to claim he is a scapegoat? JACK L. DUNLAVEY San Jose, Calif.

As troubling as the case is from the standpoint of due process and alleged racial profiling, it appears that Lee did download classified information and attempt to access a classified area without the proper clearance. Whether he was there for any nefarious reason has yet to be shown. His supporters miss the point in stating that others have also downloaded classified information and were not pursued. Let Lee tell us what happened to all the information he copied. ALAN YEE Petaluma, Calif.

The Slap of Stereotype

Your story "Profiles In Outrage" about prejudice against Asian Americans doesn't tell us anything new [NATION, Sept. 25]. Any Asian American with an inkling of political consciousness knows that Asians in the U.S. fall into two broad categories: Passive Model Minority and Yellow Peril. The unwarranted solitary confinement of Lee comes as no surprise. We can all tell our melodramatic narratives a la The Joy Luck Club. The Asian-American community is going to have to get aggressive if it wants to "orient the Occident" to the reality of the Asian experience in America. JOON PARK New York City

The Lee case offers many lessons for Americans to reflect on. The irresponsible press was all too eager for a juicy story. Deeply rooted antiforeigner sentiment triggered a witch hunt that hurt Chinese Americans and tarnished the image of the U.S. Selfish politicians exploited the fictitious "Chinese threat" for their own political gain, while a prejudiced law-enforcement agency abused the constitutional rights of someone yet to be convicted by a court. Much more work is ahead before Chinese Americans gain a voice in the American political scene as African Americans have done. DUNCAN YUM Singapore

I know prejudice against Asians has been an issue in the U.S. in the past, but I cannot believe that a person's color is still what Americans base their reactions on. It's ridiculous! CAROL LIN Bangkok

Correction

Our report on Wen Ho Lee and Los Alamos National Laboratory where he worked [NATION, Sept. 25] referred incorrectly to employment statistics at the lab. Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders make up only 5.7% of the lab's scientific and technical personnel, and the proportion in management positions is 2%. In addition, we said a study showed that Asian Americans earn lower salaries than their Anglo counterparts. The study found there were no significant salary differences.

Cultural Imperialism

Your comments on the attire of Olympic athletes, "Bad Taste on Parade" [NOTEBOOK, Sept. 25], reflected a glaring insensitivity to cultural differences. Should the U.S. be the country to set a standard for proper outfits? Should the U.N. be involved? Or perhaps TIME would be willing to offer its wisdom on what citizens of other nations should wear at various functions. I'm looking forward to your suggestions. GUNARS REIMANIS Corning, N.Y.

The correct spelling for people from Bermuda is Bermudians, not Bermudans, as you had it. And despite what the author of "Bad Taste on Parade" may think about our attire, Bermudians have dressed in shorts and knee socks for the opening ceremonies of every Olympics in which they have participated. Criticism of the dress of any nation is in very bad taste, indeed. BOB MELLO Smith's, Bermuda