People

By Josh Tyrangiel

EXIT, STAGE LEFT

Patrons of the Estoril Casino near Lisbon, Portugal, were left stranded after SIR ELTON JOHN disappeared just half an hour before a scheduled concert last week. "As far as I know, he said there was too much smoke," said a casino spokeswoman. "Then he said he was going out for some air, and we never saw him again." John apparently hopped in a limo, boarded his private jet and took off, leaving an audience that had paid more than $200 a ticket more than a bit peeved. "We have tried to get hold of him and his agent to give us an explanation, but so far we haven't had an answer. He has behaved like a spoiled child." Confirming that observation was no less an authority than Tina Turner, who last week recalled for Mike Wallace how John threw a temper tantrum after she tried to correct his arrangement of Proud Mary at VH1's Divas '99 show. "He's just very sensitive," said Turner. "Very, very sensitive." Or just very in touch with his inner child.

THE BICEPS ARE REAL

Another month, another celebrity on the cover of Playboy. November's model, however, is a bit outside the usual aging-B-actress-desperately-trying-to-jump-start-a-sagging-career paradigm. "I go against the grain of everything our society says is beautiful," says CHYNA, ne Joanie Laurer, the 6-ft., 200-lb. World Wrestling Federation star. "I've always had a hard time with that. Believe me, it's tough to be called ugly--or a man." Chyna approached Playboy with the idea of a pictorial, but it took some convincing. "I give kudos to Hugh Hefner, who's shown mostly the same type of woman for years. I'm not saying that they're not beautiful, but I could eat their little peppered bones for breakfast." While Hef's concept of pulchritude may be expanding, the lechery lingers on. "He really gave me the twice over--looked me up and down. I could feel him doing it. I guess maybe he picked me because he came right up to my boobs."

OH, BI THE WAY

The rivalry between GIORGIO ARMANI and Gianni Versace did not end with Versace's death. In this month's Vanity Fair, Armani claims that Versace once confided to him that while Armani clothed elegant women, Versace himself "dressed sluts." Not content with the compliment, Armani jokes, "molto slutty." Versace's sister Donatella told Italian papers she is "absolutely sure that what Mr. Giorgio Armani asserts is untrue," and indeed Armani, 66, has already backtracked, explaining that he meant "slutty" in a good way. "Versace's style is known for its aggressiveness--it's totally different from mine. That's all I meant." When Donatella called Armani's story "disrespectful and mean," she probably meant it in a good way too. Meanwhile, Armani also tells Vanity Fair that--surprise--he's bisexual. "I have had women in my life. And sometimes men...To do this work, one must have a free mind." When pressed, Armani admits that he prefers men to women. "A woman needs a lot." Many would settle for some free couture.

BUT DID THE APRON SAY, "KISS THE COOK"?

Sexual harassment in the Federal Government has a poetry all its own. To the list of such alleged supervisory come-ons as "Who has put pubic hair on my Coke?" and "Kiss it," we can now add "Feel under my apron." A suit filed last week by White House assistant pastry chef FRANETTE MCCULLOCH charges that over a nine-year period her boss, ROLAND MESNIER, asked for apron grabs and other unappetizing favors. McCulloch is seeking $1 million in damages from Mesnier and President Clinton--for his failure to implement a system to handle her complaints. McCulloch says she reported the alleged harassment to a White House usher, but nothing was done. Worse, when Mesnier heard about McCulloch's grievance, she claims he assigned her to menial tasks, like peeling kiwis, and barred her from working on the President's birthday cake. At least he didn't ask her to jump out of it.