Letters

Who Needs a Husband?

"Until I meet a man who can give me as much as I can give him, I will be buying TV dinners for one." HEIDI LANG San Francisco

I can't thank you enough for your article "Flying Solo," on women who are choosing to stay single [SOCIETY, Aug. 28]. Call me selfish, but I enjoy traveling, buying nice things and going out wherever and whenever I want. When the time is right, I will settle down. But for now, it's great "livin' la vida loca"! KRISTA PALOMBA Watertown, Conn.

One reason marriage is the foundation of civilization is that it is better for society. It creates stability, and it raises the mission in people's lives to something greater than their own self-gratification. As long as women bounce along kidding themselves that life is full when alone, they are putting their hedonistic, selfish desires ahead of what's best for children and society. MARK LANDSBAUM Diamond Bar, Calif.

I'm reminded of that grand old Yankee spinster who, when asked whether she regretted not having a husband, snapped, "I've got a parrot that swears, a stove that smokes and a cat that stays out nights--what do I want with a husband?" NANCY CAREY Benson, Vt.

Most women who are looking for Mr. Perfect are about 1 million light-years away from being perfect themselves. Not that you could ever tell that to them--or their mothers. RON STELTER Hackensack, N.J.

Thank God people finally recognize that single women can be happy women. I am fed up with relatives asking why, at 38, I have never married. I have many friends, a great job, I travel, own my own home and have the unconditional love of my dog. I also take comfort in the knowledge that at all times the toilet seat is in the down position. SUSAN RICHEY Simi Valley, Calif.

Friendships, dating and marriage still remain confusing, frustrating mysteries to all of us. No one, from young adults learning to dance to the so-called gurus of relationships, has any answers. Men and women will stumble through life with each other for the rest of time. RAYMOND C. WILLIAMS JR. Agawam, Mass.

My wife didn't marry a great man, but she makes me feel like one. Selflessness, not selfishness, is the key to happiness. ROBERT SPICER Fort Smith, Ark.

In our "it's all about me" culture, committed relationships are seen as a dangerous thing. Marriage becomes a scapegoat for our dysfunction, and everybody loses. Both genders are guilty of pretending this kind of uncommitted "freedom" constitutes the good life. We'll be much healthier when we realize that character does matter and that two are still better than one. TOM HOUG South Pasadena, Calif.

Your story noted that one woman broke off a 10-year relationship because the guy wouldn't propose marriage to her. Well, now that women have more control over their lives than ever before, why don't they start proposing to us men? One doesn't have to be male to ask for dates or marriage; one just has to be able to take no for an answer. COLLINS CRAPO Idaho Falls

It takes a mighty fine man to be better than no man at all. GLORIA MOSS Whittier, N.C.

So a woman who stays single is empowered and independent, whereas a man who does so is scared of commitment? It sure sounds like a double standard to me. JAMES DONOVAN Irving, Texas

Mothers on Their Own

It is sadly typical of our narcissistic age that so many women are opting to have children and raise them "on their own" [SOCIETY, Aug. 28]. Is this decision in the best interests of the child? Would any child choose such a situation over having a traditional mom and dad? Which is morally more fundamental: the woman's "right" to motherhood by any means necessary or the child's birthright to both a father and a mother? EDWARD P. WITMAN Toms River, N.J.

I am by choice a single mother of a baby boy. How can I rear my son so that he doesn't turn out like the dopey guys I continue to meet? CAROL LINARDUCCI Spring Lake, N.J.

Deadly Descent

How our hearts ached with hope and then broke with sadness at news of the loss of life of the brave men aboard the Kursk submarine [WORLD, Aug. 28]! We hope they have not died in vain and the leaders of Russia will learn that a loss of face is more acceptable than a terrible and unnecessary loss of life. MAUREEN DUNN Monrovia, Calif.

While the Russian sailors truly were innocents, the loss of an enemy nuclear submarine means that the probability of nuclear holocaust is decreased. And the discussion surrounding the accident perhaps points to some noble aspect of the American character: we see our enemies first as humans and only second as foes. SIMCHA POLLACK New York City

Adopted Family Reunion

Writer Rick Reilly's ability to describe the longing that his adopted Korean daughter had for biological identity, the suspense leading up to the possible connection with her birth mother, and the drama that unfolded made for an excellent and cathartic read [PERSONAL HISTORY, Aug. 28]. I have two children who were adopted here in the U.S. My six-year-old daughter knows and visits her birth mother. That mystery of never knowing her biological side has been eliminated. It is wonderful to see the two get to know each other. Many adopted children do need to fill a void in their heart, a biological one, that helps them understand who they are. CAROLYN PIETERS San Jose, Calif.

When Reilly got to the part of the story in which the Korean birth mother breaks down upon seeing her 11-year-old daughter, so did I. He has written a true story with such emotional yin-yang that it socks you in the stomach and leaves you breathless. SYBIL HINKLE Napa, Calif.

Adieu to Airline Chic

If the supersonic Concorde must be permanently grounded because of safety concerns, I will miss it [BUSINESS, Aug. 28]. What is on the horizon to take its place? There is no other passenger aircraft to equal the Concorde's elegant union of power and grace. The stylistically repetitive banality of modern passenger aircraft is a disappointment. Almost every Boeing and Airbus looks the same. Come on, Boeing, you have the talent to design something better. With your next aircraft, take our breath away. G. STUART EWY Los Angeles

To the Democrats: Spare Us

Al Gore's acceptance speech clearly contained the words of a pseudo-populist who is intent on inciting class warfare [CAMPAIGN 2000, Aug. 28]. As a member of the middle class, I resent being told that I am undeserving. I say it is time for a rational, principled approach. It is time to bring the various factions together in cooperation and not to incite class warfare. RANDY HOFFMAN Seaford, Va.

Re the "big kiss": I find it hypocritical that Al Gore would resort to making out with his wife onstage to gain political capital. Especially considering that Tipper spearheaded the effort to censor popular-song lyrics. We had enough sexual politics with Bill Clinton. We don't need any Jerry Springer-style insight into the Gore marriage. TIM SOMERO New Ipswich, N.H.

Routine Checkup

Re Garrison Keillor's commentary "My Day at the Clinic" [ESSAY, Aug. 28]: I saw Keillor at the Mayo Clinic as I sat with my wife waiting for our appointments. He looked a little lost that day. I am happy to hear he is O.K. His low-key, nonalarming essay did a good job of summarizing the Mayo Clinic experience, though he did not really give credit to the dedicated professionals who work there. They are on the leading edge of miracles. WILLIAM. P. KING Cincinnati, Ohio

I am of Swedish descent, and it is no joke (although Keillor gets paid a premium to make fun of it) that we were raised not to toot our own horn. That characteristic makes visiting the doctor difficult, because in order to help yourself, you really need to say "It hurts" when it hurts, and not gloss it over by saying "I'm fine." If you're at the Mayo Clinic, the answer "I'm fine" may be polite, but you're not telling what is really going on. CAROLYN COLBORN Rochester, N.Y.

The Chill Is Gone

Comparing Goosebumps series author R.L. Stine to J.K. Rowling is like comparing a child's drawings to those of Picasso [BOOKS, Aug. 28]. Stine's books are written for children; when he attempted to write for young adults, he failed miserably. Rowling, on the other hand, is truly a writer for people of all ages. As her Harry Potter gets older, the language, plot and ideas grow with him. Stine is an important figure in children's literature, while Rowling is an important figure in literature, period. REONE KRAEMER North Salem, N.Y