People

By Josh Tyrangiel

MAXING OUT THE HARD DRIVE

DANNI ASHE, above, and CINDY MARGOLIS, both comely Internet coquettes, have been engaged in a brutal war over who owns the title of Most Downloaded Woman. Margolis, who appears scantily clad--but clad--on her website, has been downloaded 7 million times, while Ashe, who poses nude, has been downloaded 8 million times. (Some people use the Internet for pornography.) On numbers, the Guinness Book of World Records awarded the crown to Ashe. Seems fair, but Margolis countered that her images are available for free, while Ashe's require a subscriber fee. Logically that makes Ashe even more deserving, but nonetheless the Guinness people have indulged Margolis' protestations. Ashe is "Most Downloaded Woman (on a paying basis)," and Margolis is "Most Downloaded Woman (on a cost-free basis)." People who download their photos are very lonely (on every basis).

HE CAN PLAY AT HIS OWN PRISON BENEFIT

Every generation needs a soy bomb. It's just that this generation already had one, a couple of years ago at the Grammy Awards. Still, Rage Against the Machine bassist TIM COMMERFORD decided to make his own abstract political statement by climbing the podium scaffolding at the MTV Video Music Awards, bringing a rare bit of unscripted television to an otherwise split-timed evening. Commerford scaled the 15-ft. structure as Limp Bizkit accepted the Best Rock video award. Cameras quickly cut away, but the bassist kept a Wayans family-size phalanx of security at bay for 10 minutes before being hauled down and charged with suspicion of assault and resisting arrest. Rage Against the Machine is renowned as a protest act, but this act of protest had even other musicians stumped. "What exactly is he raging against?" mused Kid Rock. "Podiums?"

TITO WANTS TENURE AT CAMBRIDGE

MICHAEL JACKSON will lecture at Oxford University on the subject of child welfare. This may sound odd--after all, Jackson never even finished his Ph.D.--but Oxford has been host to celebrity speakers before, including such noted intellectuals as Jerry Hall and O.J. Simpson, and the school is still standing. Jackson's appearance, which will take place at the Oxford Union in February, was brokered by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, Oxford alum, author of Kosher Sex and frequent Howard Stern radio guest. The two were introduced through mutual friend Uri Geller, famous bender of spoons. "I went to meet him, and, honestly, I fell in love with him," says Boteach. "He truly wants to restore children to the center of their parents' lives." The Oxford Union says, "We are convinced this will be received with great enthusiasm by all our membership."

THEY'LL BOTH WEAR THE PANTS

Just three weeks ago, the cover story of this magazine documented the growing phenomenon of women who choose not to get married. GLORIA STEINEM is apparently not a subscriber. On Sept. 3, Steinem, 66, who co-founded Ms. magazine and once said, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle," tied the knot with DAVID BALE, 61, a South African-born businessman who made his fortune importing skateboards to the U.S. and who also happens to be the father of American Psycho star Christian Bale. The ceremony was officiated by Steinem pal Wilma Mankiller, a former chief of the Cherokee nation and someone Eminem might want to steer clear of. In accordance with Cherokee custom, the couple was pronounced "partners" rather than husband and wife. The groom will keep his name.