Marlon Wayans

By Joel Stein

Marlon Wayans, co-star of Scary Movie, is co-host of the MTV Video Music Awards on Sept. 7.

Q. I'm white, so I never saw The Wayans Brothers TV show. Was it any good?

A. Actually, a couple of white people saw it. It was on the WB, which stood for We Black, and is now Was Black.

Q. When Carmen Electra came in to read for Scary Movie, how many words did she stumble over?

A. None. She just took her shirt off.

Q. Does it hurt that there's a fly girl more famous than you?

A. Jennifer [Lopez] is a talented girl. I don't have the ass she got.

Q. Don't put down your own ass. You've got some stuff going on.

A. Thanks, man. You ain't seen me naked though.

Q. Why does the MTV Music Video Awards bother with Best Cinematography in a Video? Who cares? Why don't they do Nicest Booty in a Video?

A. That's what I'm saying. Best Gold Teeth in a Video.

Q. How come you Jehovah's Witness families become famous? You're not so entertaining when you come to my door.

A. It prepares you for Hollywood, getting all those doors slammed in your face.

Q. Who's the Stephen Baldwin of the Wayans?

A. Which one is Stephen?

Q. He's the slimy, scary one.

A. We ain't got no slimy, scary ones in the Wayans family.

Q. What do the five nonfamous Wayans do? Are they accountants?

A. They're what you call chillin'. On their W-2 form it says "Chillin'."

Q. I'd like to be a chillin' Wayans. If you ever have a white Wayans brother, can I be him?

A. I promise you, you will be him.

--By Joel Stein