Daddy's Big Moment

By Amy Dickinson

In the collective childhood of my generation, there is a persistent image of fathers as guest stars in the family drama. Dads would show up at birthdays and holidays, take their bows and repair to the garage or the golf course. Dads were champion grass cutters and turkey carvers, the grand adjudicators in family disputes. They taught us how to ride a bike and throw a baseball but didn't hang around long once we had learned. We adored our dads, and we also ignored them.

But not anymore. Dads are hot now and not just on Father's Day. They're the targets of new magazines, websites and books. Why? With almost three-fourths of moms working outside the home, parenting is more than ever a shared responsibility. And today's dads--many of whom are still longing to have that elusive game of catch with their own fathers--are determined to do better.

Fortunately, much of the help they're getting is coming from other men. I caught up with Robert Frank, one of the estimated 1.9 million stay-at-home fathers and the author of The Involved Father, at the third annual National Summit on Fatherhood, sponsored by the Fatherhood Initiative (whew!). Frank says new fathers "tend to think parenting comes naturally to women. Then when they see how hard it can be, they tell themselves that they'll never catch on, so they give up." A good way to avoid this crisis of confidence, he says, is for dads to get thoroughly involved as soon as a child is conceived, sharing doctor's visits and birthing classes. Once the baby is born, dads should learn the same feeding, burping and bathing skills that moms do.

But instead of becoming a "mom in drag," the new dad wants to integrate his "guyness" into his life as a father--for example by duct-taping the baby's diaper shut if that's what it takes. That's one of the themes of the new publications and websites devoted to fathering. The best of the bunch is Dads magazine, which in its premiere issue this month includes stories and columns written by fathers on the N word, "the boy code" and how to survive a trip to Disney World. The magazine even sneaks in a cooking column. But Dads is bigger, in stories and ads, on SUVs, watches and sports apparel than on diapers and baby equipment. Dads and Dadmag.com an unrelated online fathering magazine, also favor the sports hero as parental role model, with cover stories on Cal Ripken and Bo Jackson, and a regular column written by Boomer Esiason. Helpful parenting websites with solid dad components--but a bit less testosterone--include father.com slowlane.com and familyeducation.com

Penelope Leach, baby expert and contributor to another good website for fathers, babycenter.com points out what I think is the highest hurdle men have to clear in order to be better fathers--namely, moms. "Mothers need to give up some territory," Leach says. "We need to stop wanting fathers to be 'assistant mothers' and let them be fathers"--allowing them to plunge in and do things their way, making mistakes as they go, as mothers have done since the dawn of time. Involved fathers will not only share the chores but also the heart-bursting joy of parenting. Mothers and children--and especially the next generation of fathers--will all be better for it.

Please see our website at time.com/personal for more about dads and parenting. You can send Amy an e-mail at TimeFamily@aol.com