So, Who Cares?

By Amy Dickinson

Every time I hear a presidential candidate talk about child care, I reflexively scan the crowd to see where his kids are, and unless they're there "at the office" with him--climbing out of their strollers, stealing his pens out of his pocket or sneezing on his good suit--I figure he doesn't understand what parenting is really like for most working families. For them, child care means patching together a house of cards--one that can be sent tumbling by a case of strep, an AWOL baby sitter or a school vacation. For most parents, child care presents a series of worst-case scenarios punctuated by periods of fitful sleep when we are worried about future worst-case scenarios, like the day when, out of desperation, we might have to take our toddler to work.

A new study of more than 44,000 families by the Urban Institute shows that about a third of them lash together at least two child-care arrangements (8% of families use three or more), including day-care centers, sitters, neighbors, friends and family. Sound familiar? This patchwork is difficult enough for 9-to-5 workers, but in an economy in which more and more businesses work 24/7, parents who work "nonstandard" hours and weekends have an even harder time finding acceptable child care. Any family facing the child-care crunch knows there will be times when the patches don't hold.

Happily, modern technology and the family-fueled marketplace are presenting some solutions. Parents looking for child care should start by calling Childcare Aware (800-424-2246), a federally funded national day-care-referral service. Childcare Aware callers are referred to local agencies that deal with licensed child-care providers. I called, giving several locations, and got helpful advice each time--about qualified child-care providers, before-and after-school programs and financial assistance options.

The Internet is also helpful for parents. The best child-care referral site I've seen is careguide.com Users register at no cost, enter geographical and other information, like the age of the child, and then the database containing thousands of centers and schools does the rest. I used the site, presenting a variety of challenging scenarios, and got useful information each time. I called some of the recommended child-care centers and schools, and while finding one is no guarantee that there will be a slot for your child, it's a good way to expand your options. Large companies are starting to meet the need to keep workers satisfied (and at their jobs), providing child-care referral services and even assisting with emergency and back-up care--anything to keep your toddler away from the Xerox machine.

A recent AFL-CIO-sponsored poll of union members revealed that in 51% of working families, mothers and fathers work opposing shifts. This is one way around the child-care crunch, but the exhaustion and lack of familial connection of "ships passing in the night" parenting is hardly a solution. Parents working early and late shifts often turn to the neighbor network, sharing child-care duties with co-workers or plugging in to the tried and true low-tech child-care referral service found on bulletin boards at churches, pediatricians' offices and schools. But even when "the village" takes a hand in raising a child, these same parents should be sure to check references carefully.

For more about help finding suitable child care, visit our website at time.com/personal You can send Amy an e-mail at timefamily@aol.com