Must-See TV?

By Amy Dickinson

No cultural phenomenon has been more studied and worried over than the effect of television on children. Parents wring their hands over content. Media watchdogs make careers launching competing studies. But while the grownups present position papers, guess what the kids are doing? They're alone in their bedroom, watching television. According to a major study measuring the media consumption of 3,000 kids, ages two to 18, released last week by the Kaiser Family Foundation, the typical American kid spends about 5 1/2 hours a day "consuming" media (computers and music, but mainly TV) at home. For kids eight and older, the time jumps to almost seven hours a day.

In the interest of disclosure, let me say that I love television. I grew up watching it, even spent several years working for a network. I continue to be a zealous consumer. Some people can deconstruct the tiniest movement of the stock market; I can tell you what happened last night on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In our house, the tube-to-people ratio is a hefty 3:2. I have the same respect for television that an avid deer hunter has for guns--in order to appreciate the pull of the medium, I think you first have to understand its firepower. But when a typical adolescent is putting in the equivalent of almost a full day at the office in front of the tube, I say we're into serious overkill.

For me, the largest concern is where they are watching television. Two-thirds of all kids eight and older have a television in their bedroom, says the Kaiser report. And a third of kids ages two to seven have TVs in their room. That's way too many kids spending way too much time alone in their bedroom with only Kermit the Frog and the offspring of Aaron Spelling to keep them company. So the first thing parents should do is take the TV out of a kid's room. Like computers, televisions should be where parents can at least tell if they are being used. Even those parents who choose not to monitor their kids' viewing (half the parents surveyed had no rules about TV) should at least know if the set is on. The data from this study show that television viewing is becoming an increasingly private, isolating activity, with homes having on average three TVs. Because of this, parents should develop some basic guidelines for family media use.

Here are mine: the television should not be on during mealtime or while a child is doing homework. Kids should ask an adult for permission before turning it on. Parents should convey to their children that watching television is a planned activity. A friend of mine goes through the TV listings with his three sons to discuss what they'd like to watch, and I think that's a great idea. The TV should be turned off when a particular show is over. Parents should also make an effort to become familiar with the shows that their kids watch. Television can provoke useful conversations within families, much as I remember having with my parents when we watched All in the Family together.

But the effort shouldn't go in only one direction. Kids should be encouraged to watch some of the shows their parents regularly watch, whether it's 60 Minutes, The Antiques Road Show or Gilligan's Island. They may tell you they're lame, but who knows? Your kid might be impressed that you know all the original plots to the shows on Nick at Nite. The point is, you--not the television--get to be the parent.

For more about kids and TV, see our website at time.com/personal You can also e-mail Amy at timefamily@aol.com