First-Term Report

By MEGAN RUTHERFORD

UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHILD'S A'S, B'S AND C'S

How to transform report cards into useful learning

For many families, report cards are an occasion of dread and distress. But for the Greens in the suburbs of Baltimore, Md., they're an invitation to celebrate. Of course, that's partly because Erica, 12, and Monica, 16, usually bring home A's and B's. But it's also because their parents look beyond the grades. What's most important, says their mother Brenda, is that Monica and Erica "have learned as much as they can and have done the best job they're capable of doing." To honor their learning and hard work, Brenda and her husband Gregory typically treat the girls to a Chinese dinner or a movie.

And on the rare occasion when Erica or Monica flounders? "If they have trouble, I'm there to help them; their father's there to help them; they can go to a coaching class; we can get them a tutor," says Brenda. "They know they're responsible for their grades and their classwork and their homework, but they also know we're here for them." With parents who support them in their struggles and celebrate their successes, Erica and Monica face the challenges of school with confidence and curiosity. Says Brenda: "They'll make comments like, 'This class is a lot of work, but it's really interesting!'"

No child intentionally sets out to fail, yet many parents view grades as a verdict that requires them to administer reward or punishment. Though statistics are not available, there is ample anecdotal evidence that in households with a history of abuse, the punishment can be severe. And even parents who don't abuse their kids for getting bad grades often feel uncertain how to respond to C's, D's and F's--or even A's and B's.

DELIVERY SYSTEM

Sometimes less is more when it comes to parental involvement, say the experts. "We have to separate our children's responsibilities from our own," advises Nancy Samalin, author of Loving Your Child Is Not Enough. "If you're more involved in your child's report card than he is, he may just let you worry about it." To reinforce the notion that school is the child's job, Samalin suggests leaving the report card on the child's pillow, so he's the first person to see it. When he brings it to your attention and the grades are good, the message should be not "I'm so proud of you" but "You must be so proud of yourself!" If the grades are poor, Samalin suggests asking, as calmly as possible, "What do you think about this report card?" and then, "What are you going to do about it?"--encouraging your child to come up with specific strategies for improvement. "One way to build responsibility is to help kids become good problem solvers," says Samalin. "The way to do that is not to tell them what to do but to put it in their laps."

POSITIVE THINKING

Accentuate the positive, advises Jennifer Richard Jacobson, author of How Is My First Grader Doing in School? "Say, 'Look at all you learned!'" Even if the grades are poor, parents can ask, "What do you think you've done well? What are you proud of?" says Jacobson. Then ask, "What are you finding hard? Where are you having trouble?"

Don't assume that poor grades are the result of a child's failure to put time and effort into schoolwork. "A lot of kids have no idea how to study for a spelling test, for example," says Jacobson. "They go home and just stare at those words. They put in their time and try their best, but that's not an effective way to study." (Better ways, according to Jacobson: copying the words several times on paper, writing them in the air, getting quizzed.) If parents keep the discussion positive rather than accusatory, important information may emerge that can help the child become more successful.

REWARDS AND PUNISHMENTS

It's tempting to offer incentives to motivate a youngster to bring up sagging grades. Experts argue that bribes may elicit a temporary spurt in performance but backfire by snuffing out a child's natural drive to learn. They advise against tit-for-tat, dollar-for-an-A rewards but say there is nothing wrong with celebrating. A trip to a museum or a special dinner can be used to salute a child's hard work and learning--whether the grades are high or low.

Like rewards, punishments may bring short-term results but do more harm than good in the long run. "Punishment reinforces the sense of shame. If a child feels successful and confident, he's going to do far better in school. If he begins to lose confidence, that can become a perpetuating cycle," says Jacobson. "When a child loses motivation, you need to work closely with the teacher to figure out why school is not clicking for him." Says Doris Dillon, a teacher and consultant in San Jose, Calif.: "The only punishment for poor grades should be a reward--more quality time of working together as a parent-child team."

FOLLOW-UP

Indeed, report cards should never be the last word but rather part of an ongoing conversation among parent, child and teacher. Taken alone, conventional report cards often obscure more than they reveal. Grades are abstract, whereas children are concrete thinkers, says New Jersey psychologist Nancy Devlin. If a mark or comment is confusing, the parent should request that the teacher spell out in tangible terms the skills the child has mastered and those that need more work. In addition, when the grades are poor, parents should--politely--ask what the school plans to do to help the student succeed. "Schools may look on grades as reporting that something is wrong with the child," says Devlin. "Parents should not buy into this attitude. Make the assumption that the system needs to be successful in order for the child to learn."

A WAKE-UP CALL

As kids enter high school, parents worry that mediocre grades may shut them out of top colleges, which may prevent them from getting fulfilling jobs that pay well. Those are legitimate fears, says Frances Schoonmaker, an associate professor at Teachers College in New York City, "but so far in this country, we still have doors people can take advantage of even if they don't have high grades." Families struggling with less than stellar report cards may take comfort in the knowledge that straight A's are often looked on as potentially problematic. A flawless record can be a sign that classes are not challenging or that adults are putting excessive pressure on a child to perform well. "You should be able to make mistakes," says Devlin. "The student who gets all A's is following the rules, doing what he's told, filling in the blanks. Sometimes the C student who asks the crazy questions is the one who's truly gifted and talented." And while grades below C seldom make children or their parents proud, they can serve as a call to action. Says Dillon: "With encouragement from teachers and parents, falling a few times is not harmful and can be the jolt that awakens greater interest and responsibility."