Richard Belzer

By Joel Stein

Comedian Richard Belzer co-stars in Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

Q: How much Law and Order can a person take?

A: I eventually see a Law and Order channel. Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Law and Order Breakfast, Law and Order at Night...

Q: Since you've been playing a cop, do you get fewer tickets?

A: I cannot get arrested. It's "Oh, Mr. Belzer, you ran over that guy. Do you mind just backing up so we can move the body?"

Q: What's with the sunglasses all the time, buddy? The '80s are over.

A: I've been wearing sunglasses since the '50s. I had black diapers. I was the first filthy, foul-mouthed counterculture comedian! I was the first guy to wear shades! I was the first guy!

Q: You worked for the Census. Was that for money or to meet single moms?

A: It was to meet single moms with money. It was just a job. This one guy locked me in a house because he thought I was a government agent.

Q: You found a guy more paranoid than you?

A: Exactly. We're lifelong friends now.

Q: You're on your third wife. Did you first see her naked in real life or in Playboy?

A: I probably saw her in the magazine, not knowing I would meet her a few years later. I vaguely remember the issue. Because I just buy it for the articles.

Q: Your wife's name is Harlee McBride. What's her real name?

A: Her real name is Harlee McSchwartz. She changed it. What do you mean, "her real name"? You never ask anyone that.

Q: Harlee, though.

A: What do you mean "Harlee, though?"

Q: I don't see parents coming up with Harlee with two e's.

A: All right, man. You know, I've had it with you.

--By Joel Stein