People

By Michele Orecklin

TOREADOR, NOW GUARD MTV

Many MTV viewers probably don't know their Puccini from their Plutarch, but as the cable network's video music awards, with Chris Rock as host, will be held at New York City's Metropolitan Opera House on Sept. 9, several artists were invited to get with the venue. JANET JACKSON reigns as Cleopatra from Handel's Giulio Cesare, OZZY OSBOURNE plays the sad clown from Leoncavallo's Pagliacci, and teen queen BRITNEY SPEARS blooms as Violetta from Verdi's La Traviata. Photographer Mark Seliger says the opera music played during the shoots was tolerated to varying degrees. "It didn't last too long with Eminem, and David Bowie wanted me to turn the music down," he said. "Janet really liked it, but I don't think Ozzy even knew there was music playing."

HEY, HEY! WHERE'S THE MONKEY?

There is strong evidence (A Night at the Roxbury and It's Pat, The Movie) to suggest that what is mildly amusing as a four-minute skit on Saturday Night Live is needlessly painful as a 90-minute movie. Nevertheless, it was announced last week that MIKE MYERS will get $20 million to write and star in Sprockets, a feature film based on the forbiddingly avant-garde German talk-show host Dieter that he played on SNL. Of course, Myers will have some backup. Reportedly, one version of the script for Sprockets had a role for Baywatch mastermind David Hasselhoff as a villain who, on tour in Germany, kidnaps Dieter's monkey.

MONICA? CALLISTA ON LINE TWO

Many of the those who opposed President Clinton in his impeachment hearings seemed to want to come off as choirboys. So it is only fitting that one of his most ardent adversaries has found himself a choirgirl. Unfortunately, she's not his wife. Rumors have been flying that former Speaker of the House NEWT GINGRICH, 56, was involved with CALLISTA BISEK, 33, a staff member on the House Agriculture Committee and singer in a church choir, well before he filed for divorce from his second wife Marianne. (His first wife was his geometry teacher.) Now Marianne's lawyers have been granted the right to take a videotaped deposition from Bisek as part of the divorce proceedings. "Marianne is prepared to thoroughly investigate Mr. Gingrich's personal life as well as his business activities," said John C. Mayoue, Mrs. Gingrich's lawyer. Does this mean more news from Washington involving underwear? Stay tuned.

FEUD OF THE WEEK

JEAN ("I'M NOT A CRETIN") CHRETIEN OCCUPATION: Canadian Prime Minister BEST PUNCH: Nixed Black's bid for a seat in the British House of Lords with a 1919 document asking U.K. monarchs not to confer titles on Canadians

CONRAD ("IN THE") BLACK OCCUPATION: Canadian media mogul BEST PUNCH: Sued Chretien, whom his papers have sharply criticized for years, for $16,000, citing among other things "abuse of public office"

THE WINNER: Black, who distracted Chretien from pressing issues like Quebec and the Blue Jays