Suzanne Somers

By Joel Stein

Suzanne Somers is the author of Get Skinny on Fabulous Food.

Q. We are a fat country, huh?

A. You don't see overweight old people. The body can't take it. My husband had a cholesterol count of 265. So he gave up meat for three months. His hair and skin started to look terrible.

Q. And he's a good-looking guy.

A. Jewish guys. They're the only husbands. Because you had great relationships with your mothers.

Q. My girlfriend says I'm attracted to you because you look like my mom. In college I wrote a column about my shame about being attracted to you, a generic blond. And my then girlfriend, who was also blond, broke up with me.

A. I'm a problem in your life. I'm sorry. Did you ever get her back?

Q. For short periods of time. Then she'd find other reasons to break up with me, so maybe it wasn't your fault. You have an electric car. That's such a cool celebrity thing to have.

A. It's the coolest car I've ever had in my life. The downside still is range.

Q. The real downside is having to talk to Ed Begley Jr. about it.

A. Ed walks the walk. I did a movie with Ed, and they sent a limousine for you every morning. He rode his bike to the set every day.

Q. What's the FaceMaster?

A. This is the next great thing I'm bringing to America: the nonsurgical face-lift.

Q. It's not just doing 50 smiles, is it?

A. It's microcurrents. A 9-volt battery.

Q. When you were promoting the ButtMaster, you told me your butt was an inch higher than it used to be. Would you say that again?

A. My butt is an inch higher than it used to be. You know, the ButtMaster got a raw deal. There were certain religious groups that picketed stores objecting to the name. We had to repackage it as the Lower Body Exerciser.

--By Joel Stein