"Are We There Yet?"

By Eugenie Allen

This summer, tens of millions of American parents will brave the age-old hazards of traveling with children: roadside diaper changes, backseat imbroglios, teenagers who would rather be anywhere else--especially since the dog just had an accident behind the cooler. According to Meredith Corp.'s Family Vacation Travel Report, about 20% of traveling parents will borrow even more trouble by including grandparents in the family vacation, while others will join the growing trend of squeezing extra mileage out of business trips by bringing the kids along. Says a road-weary mom: "Sometimes it takes so much effort to get where we're going that it's more like a change of venue than a vacation." But it doesn't have to be that way. This summer, thanks to a raft of online advice, kid-centered guidebooks and nifty new products, taking the kids is easier than it's ever been. Consider adopting some of these tips on how to make your family vacation a dream--or at least not a nightmare.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN

Of course you want to get your money's worth (at an average daily cost of $213, according to AAA, food and lodging for a family of four ain't cheap), but overplanning can backfire. "Before you worry about any of the logistics, you need to remember that this is special time with your kids," says Candyce Stapen, author of the Great Family Vacations series. "It's not about seeing every Civil War battlefield; it's about being together as a family."

To that hallowed end, it's your job to provide your kids with so much food, fun and comfort that they'll have nothing (much) to complain about. As long as you pack the contents of the toy chest, a stroller, booster seat, white-noise machine and night light, it's easy to placate babies and very young children, who are highly portable and often refreshingly inarticulate. Five-to-12-year-olds, on the other hand, require distraction from their two main travel pastimes: whining and bathroom humor. Fortunately, companies like Klutz and Rand McNally make great travel games and activity books to help you provide just that. For teenagers, a little autonomy goes a long way: for instance, you might let them share the driving or bring an especially well-behaved friend. And while age-appropriate planning is all well and good, if you have more than one child, you already know that when you hit the road, the youngest rules while the rest regress.

PACK IT UP

What to bring is up to you--or your kids, or a shaky consensus reached 10 minutes before you're supposed to leave. But here's how to bring it. Even if most of the family's gear is jumbled in communal suitcases, each child needs her own bag for toys, games, books and personal items. If you're flying, each family member also needs 24 hours' worth of clothing, toiletries and snacks in carry-on bags, in case the unthinkable happens. Yes, it's a lot to carry, but kids make excellent porters. Kyle McCarthy, editor of Family Travel Forum, an online newsletter, says anyone over age four can handle a bulging backpack plus a kid-size rolling suitcase (Fisher-Price and Kelty K.I.D.S. make nice ones). And even two-year-olds can manage a fanny pack around the waist. To keep suitcases neat, pack complete outfits in tidy bundles or zippered plastic bags, which can be reused for wet bathing suits or messy souvenirs.

DRIVE SMART

Since the vacation begins the minute you pull out of the driveway, a smooth start sets the tone for the rest of trip. Most pros recommend leaving first thing in the morning or at nap time and taking side roads whenever possible in order to avoid traffic. You might even break up a full day's drive by leaving right after an early dinner, stopping at a hotel at a reasonable hour and driving the next morning to arrive, well rested, around midday. But unless you're headed for relatives who will help you recover or you're too sleep-deprived to care anymore, don't leave with a baby at bedtime and drive, like a fiend, through the night. According to McCarthy, "The baby figures out that a lot is happening, so she may try to stay awake in the car. Or she may wake up when you arrive at 4 a.m.--and stay awake." (Older children are equally capable of this cruel stunt.)

No matter when you start, you need to stop every couple of hours--in search of a bathroom, a meal, your sanity. If you're not in a rush, these pit stops can be part of the fun. One family of five begins every vacation at the same roadside burger joint, barely an hour from home. Another couple pull over whenever their son gets restless, crank up the car stereo, open all the car doors and play a manic version of musical chairs. You could even consult a wacky road-trip manual for mini-destinations on the way to your real getaway. Two fun ones are Tom Snyder's The Route 66 Traveler's Guide (St. Martin's Press; 1995) and Fodor's Ballpark Vacations, by Bruce Adams and Margaret Engel (Random House; 1997). Finally, postpone the ritual trashing of the car by emptying garbage bags at every stop.

FLY RIGHT

You may not be able to choose exactly when to fly, but you can pick an airline based on its family-friendliness. For instance, to find out about onboard changing facilities or kids' meals and amenities, check out the "Travel with a Young Child" section of babycenter.com and confirm those details when booking your flight. Sitting en famille isn't necessarily best: Chris Pepe, a mother of two from Brooklyn, N.Y., likes to reserve one seat by itself so she and her husband can take turns being alone. And don't rule out connecting flights. Suzy Brag, who lives in California and often takes her two young daughters to visit family in Connecticut, flies nonstop to save time. But her sister, Linda Ducruet, prefers connecting flights so she can let her two kids eat and run around in the airport.

Finally, if you do get stuck somewhere, remember: your kids take their cues from you, and your good mood is just as contagious as your bad one. For instance, the Wakefield family of Seattle is going to Disney World this year, in part because of their good humor in the face of flight delays on their vacation last year. "We sat on the floor at the airport in Salt Lake City for hours, playing Uno," says dad Joel, "and when Delta finally asked for volunteers to be bumped, we were first in line. We got round-trip tickets to Orlando to make up for the hassle, but the kids didn't care. They were having a great time."

KEEP THE PEACE

If you're traveling by plane, the pressure of being in public may be enough to quell quarrels among siblings; if it isn't, you can always trade seats with one of them. Unfortunately, there's no stigma attached to brawling in the car, and there's less room for rearranging bodies. (The safest place for any child 12 or under is in the backseat, with the proper safety restraint.) Candyce Stapen has resorted to masking tape to stake out territory for her two kids, but pillows and rolled-up sleeping bags work too.

Even if the kids don't touch each other, they can still annoy each other--and you. Caroline Keens, a Virginia mother of two, forestalls battles over the car's air temperature by insisting that everyone wear the same number of layers, and music choices must be unanimous. But she also knows she can only do so much. "If you remove the arguments altogether," she says, "they don't have any way of learning how to negotiate." When the bickering is truly unbearable, don't attempt your dad's brand of auto discipline, circa 1965: steering with your left hand while swatting blindly in the vicinity of your children with your right. It's far safer--and less hilarious to the kids--simply to pull over and force a peace agreement at 0 m.p.h.

EAT UP

You've gotta eat, but what'll it be? Since Dad's a chef, the Baylis family of Tarrytown, N.Y., plans road trips around fun restaurants--for more on this delicious strategy, see Eat Your Way Across the U.S.A., by Jane and Michael Stern (Broadway Books; 1999). The Keenses, on the other hand, head for the salad bar at the nearest grocery store. Then there's the ham-sandwiches-in-the-cooler option. Whatever you choose, make sure there's plenty of it: in the words of one road hog, "If we ate as much at home as we eat on vacation, we'd all weigh 500 lbs." And don't forget the snacks, in the car or on the plane: string cheese, dried fruit, cookies and crackers, fruit snacks, carrot and celery sticks, granola bars, trail mix and lots of juice and bottled water. If you're sick of hearing "Hey, she got more than me!," give each child a day's worth of rations in the morning. Says Brian Beihl, founder of Family on Board, a catalog of family-travel products (800-793-2075): "That way, everyone gets the same amount, so there's no squabbling. And if you're driving alone, it's much easier than doling things out one at a time."

SICK IN TRANSIT

Even if your child is the picture of health when you leave home, traveling can make him ill, and romping in new surroundings can lead to minor injuries, so pack common medications plus a first-aid kit, and have both within easy reach in the car or on the plane. If your child takes medication regularly, bring more than you think she'll need, and carry a prescription to be filled on the road if necessary. If she's prone to motion sickness, those zippered bags come in handy. While some major hotel chains offer childproofing kits (among them: Radisson, Ritz-Carlton and Westin hotels), it's always a good idea to throw a few outlet plugs and cabinet locks in your luggage. (Caution: if your child's friend is along for the ride, bring a copy of his insurance card plus two notarized documents--a letter permitting him to travel with you and a medical-release form.)

STAY SAFE

You may want to consider giving your children ID cards with medical and hotel information plus emergency contact numbers in case anyone in your party gets injured or lost. (Babies' and toddlers' cards can be attached to car seats and strollers.) While some experts insist that ID cards can help kids find their way back to safety, others caution that such information can give families a false sense of security, and in the wrong hands, could do more harm than good. Whatever you decide, it's critical to orient your child to each new location along your route, brief him on what to do if he gets separated, and work hard to keep that from happening. To spot one another in a crowd, families can wear similar shirts or hats. Some resort to "leashes" to keep their toddlers close. Just in case, carry a recent photo of your child, and be prepared to provide an exact description, including height, weight and clothing.

SAVOR THE SPONTANEOUS

One of the great frustrations of traveling with children--the unpredictability of it all--can also be its greatest pleasure. For instance, to protect the beige carpeting in a hotel room they stayed in a few years back, Heather Rosett and her husband Charles let their two young sons eat pizza in the bathtub; that desperate measure is now de rigueur on all their family trips. On a business trip to New York City, Candyce Stapen took her daughter to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to see an exhibit of Impressionist paintings but wound up, at her daughter's insistence, counting the dogs in 18th and 19th century hunt scenes instead. "It wasn't what I had planned, but it was wonderful," she says. And one weathered traveler has been pleasantly surprised when her two teenagers have brought friends along on vacation: "If I eavesdrop, I can find out what's really going on in my kids' lives. Plus, they treat me a lot better when there's a witness around."

THEY'RE WATCHING YOUR BACK

Long after they've grown up, your kids will recall the view from the backseat--the way you laugh at their knock-knock jokes, the promise of a treat at the next rest stop, your willingness to tell one more story about that horse Dixie, his owner Mary Beth and all their animal friends on the farm in Tennessee. So whether you're headed for a nearby campground or a five-star resort, you owe it to your place in posterity to make getting there as much fun as being there. Bon voyage!