People

By Michele Orecklin

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME PLATE

Over the years, baseball players have devised numerous ways to outsmart umpires: corking the bat, throwing spitballs, using steroids. But amazingly, until last week, no one had tried the fake mustache. The ingenious ploy was hatched by New York Mets manager BOBBY VALENTINE after being thrown out of a game for arguing with the plate umpire. Once ejected, players and managers are forbidden to go back into the dugout, but that's exactly where a camera spotted Valentine. Even sporting facial hair, shades and a hat, Valentine was recognized by officials, who later suspended him for two games and fined him $5,000. Valentine will appeal the suspension, claiming he was only near the dugout and meant no disrespect. "I did it to lighten up the team," he said. And it looks as if for two games at least the team will be one manager lighter.

TITLE GONE, SELF-RESPECT INTACT

In the nuanced arena of professional wrestling, dignity is a relative term. As the World Wrestling Federation's women's champion, a leather-clad SABLE subdued opponents in front of lusty fans and posed for Playboy. But the real-life wife and mother balked at what she claims were the league's requests for her to expose her breasts and participate in lesbian story lines. Sable alleges that her resistance led to her scripted defeat in the ring earlier this month. Now she has sued the WWF for $110 million, saying the sport has become "obscene, titillating, vulgar and unsafe." A WWF lawyer says Sable's suit is a "smear job" and will be "vigorously defended." Presumably in a court of law.

AND SHE WILL ALWAYS LOVE COUTURE

Life was so much simpler for '60s pop stars. When Carole King went on tour, she packed a poncho and jumped on a bus. Today singers won't hit the road without consulting pyrotechnic experts and an army of stylists. When WHITNEY HOUSTON kicks off her tour June 22, she'll bring trunk loads of costumes created for her by Italian designers Dolce and Gabbana. For each song, there is a fashion: gowns for ballads and edgy sportswear for up-tempo numbers. Alas, Whitney sings no zydeco.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

WHO: OLIVER STONE

OCCUPATION: Film director

OFFENSE: Stone, 52, was arrested in Beverly Hills last week for suspicion of drunk driving and possession of hashish. He was released after posting $12,500 bail.

WHY THIS SHOULD NOT BE SURPRISING: His vocal and repeated iteration of conspiracy theories; his inclusion of unnecessarily long, trippy music numbers in his film The Doors; he's worked with Woody Harrelson, perhaps the only owner of a hemp tuxedo.