Ben Stiller

By Joel Stein

Ben Stiller is in There's Something About Mary, Permanent Midnight and Your Friends and Neighbors.

Q: My girlfriend has a major crush on you. I think we should fight.

A: You'll probably beat me.

Q: You have such cool parents [Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara]. Were you embarrassed by them in junior high, as the rest of us were by ours?

A: I grew up in this building on the Upper West Side [of Manhattan] that was all very artsy, interesting people. Like Peter Max was in our building. I always thought Peter Max was the cool parent to have.

Q: You're half Irish. Why are you such a big Jew?

A: I never saw myself as a big Jew until people started saying, "Hey. You're a big Jew." I happen to have those Jewish features that have kept our people down for so many years. I'm very proud of my Irish side also.

Q: Have you visited your ancestral homeland in Ireland?

A: I have. I went there when I broke up with my girlfriend, to get over [it]. And it was the wrong place to go. All you do is drink Guinness and cry and look at the ocean and want to kill yourself.

Q: I hear a lot of people walk up to you on the street and ask you if your penis is O.K. That must be annoying.

A: That and at parties or at bars, people I don't know go, "Hey, there's something on your ear." And I'm like, "I've never heard that. That's so good."

Q: That's so gutsy.

A: I think I'm just that type of guy, where they feel like they're allowed to come up and make fun of me.

Q: You should beat me up to get a rep.

A: I don't have any desire.

Q: Your company is producing a Green Acres movie. That doesn't sound like something America needs.

A: Who are you to determine what America needs?

Q: Uh, TIME magazine?

--By Joel Stein