Karen Finley

By Joel Stein

Performance artist Karen Finley, who recently lost a Supreme Court case on a law requiring NEA grants to adhere to decency standards, has a new show, The Return of the Chocolate-Smeared Woman.

Q: What kind of chocolate do you use to spread on your naked body?

A: I knew that was going to be the first question. Right now my preference is Betty Crocker dark double chocolate.

Q: That sounds more like a frosting than a chocolate.

A: If you want to get technical, yes, it is a frosting.

Q: Do you temper it?

A: What's tempering? You mean melt it?

Q: When you melt chocolate, you have to do it in stages or it congeals. You don't know much about chocolate.

A: I like that layering and congealing. I like that sensation of whatever tempering does. Remember, I am indecent.

Q: That's what the Supreme Court said. Does that hurt?

A: I'm going to enjoy my status as loser.

Q: I've never seen you perform. What exactly do you do?

A: Basically just run around the stage making political-emotional commentary.

Q: How do you get the chocolate off after the show?

A: It's a double shower with a loofah, and the loofah doesn't even get it all off.

Q: Ever try Magic Shell?

A: What's Magic Shell?

Q: It's that chocolate topping that hardens on ice cream.

A: If you want to do it, I'll try it.

Q: I feel special.

A: In my show, if you give me $20, you can lick the chocolate off.

Q: I don't feel so special anymore.

--By Joel Stein