People

By Joel Stein

Q&A

DAVID SPADE co-stars in NBC's Just Shoot Me and the film Senseless.

Q: So are you guys the new Seinfeld?

A: Where have you been? As I'm reading in USA Today, Just Shoot Me is moving to NBC's Thursday at 8:30 spot because we aired last Thursday and retained 99% of Friends' lead-in.

Q: So 1% of the Friends audience...

A: ...bailed on us.

Q: How does that make you feel?

A: It's obviously some jackass that is more into hair than our show. They just watch Friends for hair, and when they see my hair they go, "Oh, does this show take place in the '70s?"

Q: Your show is produced by Brad Grey, who's being sued for like a billion dollars by Garry Shandling. What's up with that guy?

A: "What's up with that guy?" Are you sure you're from TIME? You're supposed to be like 70 years old and like, "Well, I've heard about your show. Particles come over airwaves and land on the screen. Tell me about it." Brad's always been good to me. Things are going so well that I might as well sue now.

Q: You're in a movie with Marlon Wayans. Is he your favorite Wayans?

A: I shouldn't say that. But he is the one I have the most contact with.

Q: People are afraid to name their favorite.

A: I am too, buddy. In the movie we're seniors in college, which is my last hurrah.

Q: As a kid?

A: Yeah. They had to shoot me through the Cybill Shepherd lens. And the guy who worked on the Liz Taylor perfume ads came in and helped with the grainy quality and the smoke.

Q: O.K. Thanks.

A: I love this TIME! Who's going to be on the cover? Lewinsky?

Q: You!

A: Yeah! If you had any nerve, you'd push that through. It's what America needs. They need a break from Lewinskygate. And I'm the perfect candidate.

HEY, RENO! WATCH OUT FOR THE WHOOPEE CUSHION!

It's the '90s, man. The days of real-life merry pranks--like dropping dollars on the New York Stock Exchange--are over. Now it's supposed to be just zany computer viruses and phony E-mail stories, right? Not last week, when BILL GATES, in Brussels for a meeting with the Belgian government, got nailed with a pie in the face. The culprits were a band of four or five guys, two of whom were caught. One was videotaping the event. Some suspect that Noel Godin, a Belgian who somehow makes money by tossing custard pies at the rich and famous, was involved. Get a computer, Noel.

FEUD OF THE WEEK

"IRON MIKE" TYSON AGE: 31 HEIGHT: 5 ft. 11 1/2 in. WEIGHT: 218 lbs. OCCUPATION: Refs pro wrestling BEST PUNCH: After declaring that he was "taking control of his own affairs, both personal and business," Tyson reportedly slapped and kicked King, though Tyson denies it.

DON "THE KING" KING AGE: 66 HEIGHT: Just right WEIGHT: Just right OCCUPATION: Controls all of boxing BEST PUNCH: Tyson, allegedly in money trouble, has a contract with King for four more fights. It would take someone with a lot of guts to sign him away from King. A lot of guts.

THE WINNER King. We're not nearly as scared of offending Tyson

ANTS IN THE CINEPLEX

At a certain point in the development of a culture, it demands computer-animated ant movies. So in 1999 DreamWorks will offer Woody Allen and Sharon Stone in ANTZ, and Disney will give us A Bug's Life this November. Jeffrey Katzenberg, who had nothing to do with the latter before he left Disney for DreamWorks, says Antz "is the story of one ant who wants to be an individual in a world in which that's a big no-no. That ant turns into Spartacus and leads an entire revolution. And Woody Allen is Spartacus."