People

By Joel Stein

Q & A

CHRIS ROCK is starting a humor magazine at Howard University.

Q: Why start a comedy magazine at Howard, where you didn't go?

A: It's the closest black university to my house in Brooklyn. Plus I remember being at Saturday Night Live and they couldn't find any black writers. Where do you go to get black comedy writers? Redd Foxx's friends?

Q: Have you ever had bad dreams about Li'l Penny? Like he's a black Chucky?

A: Yeah, he's like this guy in Misery: "Hey, move down. I want to chop off your leg. Can you do that for me?"

Q: You're going to be in Lethal Weapon 4. How's the sound track?

A: I don't know. I ran into Puff Daddy, and he said he's doing something for it.

Q: How do you become friends with Puff Daddy?

A: He's around. We travel the same circles.

Q: I want to travel a circle with Puff Daddy.

A: I ran into Puff Daddy at the Ivy.

Q: You are so Hollywood.

A: Thanks.

POETRY CORNER

TED HUGHES caused a shock by discussing Sylvia Plath's suicide in Birthday Letters. SHAQUILLE O'NEAL did it when one of his raps was included in the anthology Catch the Fire!!! Let's compare:

Ted Hughes A PICTURE OF OTTO

You had assumed this tunnel your family vault. I never dreamed, however occult our guilt,

Your ghost inseparable from my shadow As long as your daughter's words can stir a candle. She could hardly tell us apart in the end. Your portrait, here, could be my son's portrait.

[Rated: 3 cups of coffee]

Plath's obsession with her father really bugs Hughes--and you feel it!

Shaquille O'Neal BIOLOGICAL DIDN'T BOTHER

Everything's going well... Following my dream I dunked on Patrick Ewing I want a ring like Hakeem Oh Oh...what do ya know? Biological one's on the Ricki Lake show What does he want??? Does he want money??? What--people--do--for--MONEY!!!

[Rated: 2 cups of coffee]

The a, b, c, b, d, d, e, f, f rhyme scheme is brave, but ultimately too experimental.

AND SHE IS A MATERIAL BABY GIRL

When she promised to keep her daughter LOURDES out of the spotlight, MADONNA didn't count on having to promote a new album and a couple of upcoming films. So now she appears with, and talks about, her very cute child in the March issue of Vanity Fair. When asked if she is worried about protecting her one-year-old daughter, she said, "It's the other way around. She protects me."

BUT WILL IT LAST?

Pop superstar POSH SPICE (Victoria Adams) and Manchester United soccer player DAVID BECKHAM just got engaged. Will their marriage survive?

PROS:

--David won't stray. An old teacher said, "If you stuck a girl or a ball in front of David, he'd pick up the ball."

--Posh says she's ready to have a baby--if Gucci makes maternity wear

--David weathered a vicious rumor about mooning fans; Posh weathered a vicious rumor about having no talent

--David has a Porsche; Porsches are way posh

CONS:

--Posh broke her last engagement

--Posh, who lives in France, says she wouldn't move to Manchester because the shopping is bad

--Surprise visits from Scary Spice

--Spice Girls historically have boy problems

--The distinct possibility of a maid of honor named Sporty

PREDICTION Yes! At least until their careers fall apart