NOTEBOOK

By DANIEL EISENBERG, ANITA HAMILTON, JANICE M. HOROWITZ, NADYA LABI, JANICE Y. LEE, MICHELLE ORECKLIN, ALAIN L. SANDERS

WINNERS & LOSERS

AH, THE THANKSGIVING SPIRIT LIVETH

[WINNERS]

RICHARD JEWELL His prayers are answered. But you won't have a prayer if he catches you speeding in Luthersville, Ga.

LESLIE MOONVES Welcome home--and not the nursing home anymore. Tiffany Network wins November sweeps

BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD It's like, uh, cool that they quit before they sucked

[& LOSERS]

EARL SPENCER Champagne Charlie, we hardly knew ye. Guys in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at the tabs

BENJAMIN NETANYAHU Whining is undignified. Yes, it was a snub when Clinton wouldn't see you. That's called diplomacy

BARRY SWITZER Only he could make us pity the Cowboys. Almost

DIPLOMATIC DUDS

Few remember the accomplishments of the annual Pacific Basin apec economic summits. But the clothes! Last week Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien chose for his guests a brown elk leather, $400 Roots flight jacket, each personalized with the summiteer's name, title and apec logo, and cut to size (Clinton's: XXXL, tall). Such outfits--a Philippine barong tagalog in 1996 and an Indonesian batik shirt in 1994--are now high on the agenda. Host countries "check out the President's size pretty carefully," says the White House.

W.H.A.T. (WHAT HIDEOUS ACRONYMS ARE THESE)

Remember the good old days when abbreviations did not have to spell out some silly word? Think N.A.A.C.P. or AT&T or TWA. Now, it seems, every new organization or product title is contorted to spell out some annoying acronym. Here are a few recent examples:

ACHE American Council for Headache Education

SAFETY Sun Awareness for Educating Today's Youth

S.T.O.P. Safe Tables Our Priority

CONVINCE Consortium of North American Veterinary Interactive New Concept Education

MUSE Medicated Urethral System for Erection

MORE HOKEY HOLIDAYS

Ah, December. Think Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and, of course, Colorectal Cancer Education and Awareness Month. Other notable events:

5 Bathtub Party Day

6 National Pawnbrokers Day

14-20 Tell Someone They're Doing a Good Job Week

16 Barbie and Barney Backlash Day

19 Underdog Day

21 Humbug Day International Shareware Day

21-27 International Lipstick Week

26 National Whiner's Day

29 International Day for Biological Diversity

Source: Chase's 1997 Calendar of Events

HEALTH REPORT

THE GOOD NEWS

DIET DRUG REDUX Just months after the notorious weight-loss combo fen/phen was yanked from the market for causing heart damage, a new diet drug, Meridia, has been okayed by the FDA. Meridia is not without a downside: it may increase blood pressure.

BRING ON THE BIG MAC Preliminary research suggests that taking vitamins C and E before pigging out may protect blood vessels from some of the clogging effects of a fatty meal. Fruits and veggies may also do the trick.

RACING HEART In patients with an irregular heartbeat, implantable defibrillators prevent sudden death significantly better than drugs.

Sources: FDA; Journal of the American Medical Association; New England Journal of Medicine

THE BAD NEWS

NOW HEAR THIS The usual 10-day course of antibiotics for childhood ear infections may not be worth the bother: 80% of kids don't get better any sooner with drugs. And many experience side effects like vomiting and diarrhea. Worse, the bacteria can become resistant to treatment.

INSULIN SHOCKER A new report shows that in patients who are over 50 years old with moderate diabetes, insulin rarely brings blood sugars into optimal range.

SWIMMING UPSTREAM Sperm counts are in serious decline. In the U.S. they're dropping 1.5% each year--about 50% more than had been suspected. In Europe the falloff is even worse: 3% a year.

Sources: Journal of the American Medical Association (1, 2); National Institutes of Health

NUMBERS

5: Percentage increase in this year's holiday sales predicted by retailers

33: Percentage of U.S. shoppers who plan to spend less on purchases this year than last

1 in 100: Proportion of adults in the world infected with HIV, according to a United Nations report released last week

9 in 10: Estimated proportion of people with HIV who are unaware that they are infected

9 in 10: Proportion of people with HIV who live in the developing world

2,245: Number of gallons of the biological warfare agent anthrax that Iraq has admitted producing

1: Number of specks of anthrax dust that, inhaled, are a lethal dose

17: Percentage of Americans who have some contact with law-enforcement officers every year

1: Percentage of those in this group who say police used force or threatened to use force against them

Sources: CNN/AP; United Nations; Dept. of Defense; Dept. of Justice