PEOPLE

By Belinda Luscombe

WHAT RHYMES WITH DEMI?

Renaissance-man alert: VIGGO MORTENSEN, who does a mean impression of a D.H. Lawrence-quoting, gun-toting trainer and sometime Demi Moore tormentor in G.I. Jane, is actually a published poet. No sniggering, now. The actor, who speaks Spanish and Danish as well as English, has a new poetry CD called One Less Thing to Worry About. He mines his day job in his verse, which is of the spare, dark, ruminating kind, as in "Edit": "The man you were/ For one short season/ Has been pruned/ Removed/ To a well-groomed graveyard/ That smells like popcorn." Although the acting gig is the breadwinner, "If I could make money on poetry," Mortensen says, "I would still act. When they work, they work on the same level."

NEXT, OSCAR SUES KERMIT

Maybe it's payback time for having to wear those ears out in public. Mouseketeers, the formerly unassailable icons of wholesomeness, are turning nasty. First a bunch of them filed a complaint against Disney about royalties. Then one of the leaders of that group, DARLENE GILLESPIE, who was so popular as a Mouseketeer that she got to sit next to ANNETTE FUNICELLO in the front row of the photo, was sentenced to three years probation for a ham-fisted department-store theft. Most ignominious of all, BILLIE JEAN MATAY (inset) tried to sue Disney over a theft she and her family endured in a Disneyland parking lot. Matay also claimed that her grandchildren suffered emotional trauma when, while being interviewed backstage by security guards, they witnessed Disney characters removing the heads of their costumes. The judge resisted the temptation to call the case Goofy but declared it a "nonsuit."

QUINN SOME, LOSE SOME

He has played really bad guys like Attila the Hun and Caiaphas, but being portrayed as a villain by his son didn't sit well with ANTHONY QUINN. And there's nothing like a public, comprehensive airing of one's failings to put a fellow in a compromising mood. So after Danny Quinn testified that his father was physically brutal to his mother IOLANDA (above, with Quinn in 1989), the actor, 82, settled his long divorce wrangle. He reportedly handed over half his $15 million fortune but salved his wounds by announcing that he plans to marry Kathy Benvin, 35, the mother of his 12th and 13th children.

SEEN & HEARD

If the DNA fits, you must admit. Christopher Darden, Simpson prosecutor, author and sometime TV actor, may have a new job: dad. Miki Gaut has filed a paternity suit against Darden, claiming he's the father of her three-month-old daughter Tiffany. Darden, who cops to a brief "friendship" with the woman, has said if he's the father, he wants primary custody of the child and has filed his own suit to that end.

Brothers have big mouths. After a couple of coy attempts by Elle Macpherson to evade questions on whether she's pregnant, her brother Brendan Gow told the Australian Associated Press that she was, and their father confirmed it. And what kind of fellow was man enough to sire a child with the Body? A wealthy European financier, natch: Arpad ("Arkie") Busson, her boyfriend of 18 months.

BILL RELAXES

Affairs of state are all very well, but even the leader of the free world likes to focus more on affairs of escape occasionally. Unwilling to believe that BILL and HILLARY CLINTON would embark on a holiday during which they simply holidayed, folks on Martha's Vineyard eagerly swapped rumors that the President would be dining with Diana, barbecuing with Barbra, maybe even testing his Nikes on the links with Mike. But the first week of the Clintons' three-week vacation on the island off Cape Cod was relatively low on celebrity schmoozing and high on sedentary pleasures. "The President and the First Lady had several intense exchanges of words," deputy White House spokesman Barry Toiv told reporters at a typical press briefing on the Commander in Chief's daily maneuvers. "Some of them earned triple word scores; some of them did not. They spent yesterday playing Scrabble."

Not that the Clintons were complete hermits. What trip to Massachusetts would be complete without a Kennedy visitation? They chummed around on TED KENNEDY's yacht with the Senator, his wife Victoria Reggie, niece CAROLINE KENNEDY SCHLOSSBERG and assorted others from the famous clan. Bill also had time to bestow a presidential pat--and instant celebrity--on BUDDY, a local pooch. "Is this a great dog or what?" Clinton asked, even though dogs still don't have the vote.

But apart from going jogging with CHELSEA--wearing a T shirt given to him by a 16-year-old Israeli boy who's terminally ill--and fitting in a little golfing, Clinton used much of the time for that great solitary pursuit, reading. He delved into Snow in August by Pete Hamill and The Heat Is On by Ross Gelbspan, while Hillary read best seller The Perfect Storm by Sebastian Junger. And after all that, there was still time to admire the "very lovely sculpture" that Toiv announced Hillary got Bill for his birthday. Sometimes a vacation is just a vacation.