THEY DIDN'T PAY RETAIL

By DAVID VAN BIEMA

In the end, there are only two things you ask of a personal shoplifter: that his taste be good and that his feet be fleet. All other requirements are incidental. Gregory Eugene Thomas seems to have been so-so in the first category. It is in the second, however, that he really fell short.

Thomas was allegedly employed by a family in Roseville, Minnesota, that at first glance would not seem in need of his services. Gerald Dick, a dentist, and his wife Judy live on a wooded lane in a $450,000 house replete with circular drive and three-car garage. Their son James played some professional football; daughter Stacy Zehren is a lawyer in Chicago. Still, if the Roseville police are to be believed, the Dicks paid ex-con Thomas to do their holiday lifting.

This was not conventional criminal subcontracting: unlike fences, the Dicks kept the bounty for their own use. They had caviar tastes on a thieving-magpie budget. Over the years, Thomas claims, he stole more than $250,000 worth of goods for them. In the house, police found a stash of luxury items, some with price tags still attached. Among them: Baccarat crystal, a $2,490 Chanel cashmere sweater and a full-length white fox coat. He says the Dicks were fussy: James, for one, was not about to accept suits not labeled Armani.

Thomas, whom the family reportedly met while he was working in a beauty salon, is practically a Minnesota law-enforcement celebrity. He is known, says an officer, "to every police department in the state as a pretty heavy shoplifter." Or maybe just a pretty one: he sometimes cross-dressed to gain entry to women's changing rooms in exclusive stores.

Flamboyance did not breed success, however, and he had a string of convictions. Picked up yet again in a Dayton's department store the day after Thanksgiving--opening bell of the Christmas shopping season--he offered to snitch on the Dicks. Once, he said, he enjoyed such a close relationship with them that they bailed him out of jail. But now he professed embitterment at lowball paybacks. One policeman admitted, "I was a little surprised that he was giving up a source of his income." But when Thomas, dialing from memory, called the Dick residence with the offer of merchandise, say official reports, he was invited right over.

He arrived accompanied by Carla Schrom, a Dayton's investigator posing as a crooked store employee, and presented Jim and Stacy, who were visiting, with a Coach briefcase, a Baccarat crystal eagle and three suits. They allegedly bought the crystal and leather but declined the suits, demanding Armanis instead. This provoked a flurry of activity, since the nearby Dayton's didn't carry the favored designer in 42-long. Officers had to fetch some from the chain's Minneapolis branch. But the delay may have paid off, since by the time the new loot arrived, the elder Dicks were home. After some dickering--they explained that they never paid more than one-fifth of list--the couple handed over $800 for five $1,200 suits and six Polo sweaters. Then, say reports, they repaired to the laundry room and deftly removed some exploding-ink antitheft devices. The Dicks put in a new order with Schrom--more crystal, more Armani and baby clothes for the pregnant Zehren--and were busted by police shortly thereafter. Judy Dick is alleged to have said, "You caught us red-handed--now what?" and "It was only a matter of time before Greg turned us in." Her lawyer, Paul Applebaum, denies she made any incriminating statements.

It is Applebaum, in fact, who has put his finger on the case's underlying class issue. Perhaps unaware that the service economy constitutes 75% of the country's gross domestic product, many folks beyond big cities and high-income brackets consider it a bit excessive for the wealthy to hire people to do their shopping for them, let alone their pilfering. Thus, in addition to denying any wrongdoing, Applebaum ventured, "I would hope the fact they may be upper middle class is not something they will be punished for or made an example of."

Just so. In fact, it's highly unlikely that the Dicks, with no prior convictions, will do any jail time. But if they're found guilty, one could hope they'll pay full list price on their fines.

--Reported by Kermit Pattison/Roseville

With reporting by KERMIT PATTISON/ROSEVILLE