WHAT I WOULD SAY...

With the number of teenagers using marijuana on the rise, we asked some well-known experts and parents to answer the question, "What do you tell children about smoking marijuana?"

DR. JOYCELYN ELDERS FORMER U.S. SURGEON GENERAL

Trust me, nothing jolts a parent's nervous system more than the thought that his or her child may be using illicit drugs. Even when suspicious, parents are often afraid to ask. Will we alienate our children by accusing them falsely? Yet if we don't speak to them, how will they know that we are beside them if they need our help?

Make your first communication with your child about drugs a good one because you may not get another chance. Make an appointment. Let your child talk. Listen for a long time. Then when you do comment, don't be judgmental. If your child indicates that he or she is using drugs or might consider doing so, take several deep breaths.

Remember, your goal is not to change your child's behavior because that is impossible. Your goal is to encourage and guide your child into changing his or her own behavior. If your child is using drugs, you might indicate your concern because of the possible health and legal hazards and then give choices for what can be done. You may say something like, "So I want you to decide whether you would prefer to go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting or our doctor, who is experienced in drug use, or a psychologist or counselor." If drug use were to be viewed primarily as the medical problem it is, we would have more resources to address for preventing and treating drug addiction instead of spending most of our money criminalizing use, which has had virtually no effect at all.

JOSEPH A. CALIFANO JR. PRESIDENT, THE NATIONAL CENTER ON ADDICTION AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY

With all three of my children, I made two points. First, each was a creature of God, blessed with brains and talent. With such generous divine gifts goes a moral obligation to develop those talents and use them to help others less fortunate. That's why it is morally wrong to use drugs.

I also told them that alcohol and drugs were the two things that could ruin lives, either by leading to an auto accident or by causing addiction. They pointed out that I smoked cigarettes and drank Scotch. My answer: Had I known at age 14, when I started smoking, what we learned by the 1970s, I hope I would never have lit up.

Today baby-boomer parents who may have smoked pot in college can tell their kids that we know a lot more about marijuana now than we did 25 years ago. We know that it can savage short-term memory and that it adversely affects motor skills and inhibits social and emotional development--just at the time such skills and development are most critical, when kids are in school. We can tell them that smoking pot as a young teen is decidedly more dangerous than beginning at twentysomething. Our research shows that the earlier someone smokes marijuana, the likelier that youngster is to move on to other drugs. Children who smoke pot before age 12 are 42 times likelier to use drugs like cocaine and heroin than those who first smoked after age 16.

STEPHEN DNISTRIAN SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, PARTNERSHIP FOR A DRUG-FREE AMERICA

What we have seen in our annual national research, which surveys more than 10,000 teens and parents, is that the No. 1 risk kids see in drugs is not dying or going to jail or getting thrown out of school. The No. 1 risk for kids--and this has been consistent for 10 years--is disappointing their mothers and fathers. Parents will find that hard to believe because they think, "It goes in one ear and out the other ear." What I'm saying is not feel-good advice. Kids who report having parents who talk to them frequently have lower experimentation rates with drugs.

FRANKLIN GRAHAM EVANGELIST AND FATHER OF THREE SONS AND A DAUGHTER

I think all of us know drugs are physically harmful, but there is another side to that notion because we are spiritual beings. Drugs are spiritually destructive. People who use drugs are getting a double whammy--they are weakened physically and they are weakened spiritually. It's hard if parents are getting stoned themselves or getting drunk. Kids respond, "If you get high, why can't we?" Parents must set the example. That's what's missing, the will to set an example.

TOM HAYDEN CALIFORNIA STATE SENATOR AND FATHER OF TWO CHILDREN

I didn't smoke much dope in the '60s. Pot sent me into giggling fits, and I feared the loss of control. My addiction was alcohol, which was approved by the same Establishment that was bent on criminalizing marijuana. My kids saw that, and they developed an acute sensitivity to hypocrisy. It took me many years to stop drinking and live without such addictions. When I did, that was a better lesson than any words I could have preached to them.

But this experience hardly makes me a neo-Puritan supporter of the continuing war against marijuana users. It's despicable to criminalize and imprison thousands for marijuana possession, while the liquor and tobacco lobbies are destroying so many lives with advertising and campaign contributions. I told my kids that marijuana in moderation for medicinal, ceremonial and recreational use is defensible, especially in comparison with alcohol and tobacco. I also warned them that marijuana has never improved anyone's ability to do homework or hit a curve ball. It infuriates me that my kids, like millions of their generation, are defined as criminals by a President who smoked but did not inhale.

DONNA SHALALA U.S. SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

Our children need to hear a clear and consistent no-use message about marijuana--that it is illegal, dangerous and wrong. Research tells us it limits learning, memory, perception, judgment and motor skills, and it damages the brain, heart, lungs and immune system. Marijuana is not a "soft" drug.

RICHARD EVANS BOARD MEMBER OF NORML, THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR THE REFORM OF MARIJUANA LAWS

My son Jonathan is a bright, sociable and curious 13-year-old. Here's what I have told him about drugs:

1.) Don't do drugs. Kids don't drive cars, they don't sign contracts, and they don't do drugs.

2.) Now that that's clear, be aware that obeying Rule No. 1 is impossible because "drugs" are everywhere. Even chocolate and soft drinks contain caffeine.

3.) You will someday be invited to smoke marijuana. I want you to decline. However, if you try it, I want you to remember that the harm of any drug is only partly due to the drug itself. More important are the physical, social and psychological circumstances.

4.) In the case of marijuana, the greatest harm comes from being arrested.

5.) Don't believe much of what they tell you in school about drugs. For example, don't buy into the notion that drug "abuse" is the same as drug "use." Remember, one means harm, and the other doesn't. Know also that a lot of people use drugs--both legal and illegal--without any apparent harm to themselves or anyone else.

ANNE ROIPHE AUTHOR AND THE MOTHER OF THREE DAUGHTERS

In New York City, among high school kids, it's almost impossible to stop pot smoking. You can try, but you won't succeed. Rather than saying you must never ever, what you have to keep saying is that this prevents you from having real relationships. It prevents you from understanding what is going on in your life. It prevents you from having real happiness. And it's dangerous.

I think parental control is perhaps not the deciding factor for teenagers. They are so much more influenced by their peer group. I do not present myself as a person who has been able to stop all my children from getting into trouble with drugs. I tried very hard.

I believe we have to instill a great deal of joy and confidence in our children before they get to be teenagers in order to protect them through those hard years. Parents tend to blame themselves for things that are culture-wide. The difference between moderate experimentation and catastrophic drug taking is vast. We should not get desperately alarmed about mild social experimentation. But we should get desperately alarmed about the child who is compelled to use drugs. The flat rules like "Just say no" are easy to pronounce but hard to enforce. It's so easy to make that kind of statement, and so hard to live it Saturday night by Saturday night.