PEOPLE

By Belinda Luscombe

IT'S (REALLY, REALLY) OVER

The fat lady has sung. The most spectacularly miserable marriage of the century is officially over. Prince Charles and DIANA are now free to hit the singles bars. Oddly enough, they didn't. On the day the divorce was finalized, Diana went to a party at the English National Ballet, still wearing--it was noted in bold type by the press--her wedding and engagement rings. Charles ponied up the $31 for the final divorce fee, but he let London retailers know he would no longer be paying his ex's shopping bills. He spent the week at the family manse, Balmoral, lying low after he was snapped ambling with Camilla Parker Bowles two weeks ago. There were no official divorce souvenirs, but a radio station in Derby had a special breakfast party, with a band playing cheery songs like D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

DIVIDED AT BIRTH

They're sisters, they're Brits, and they've both been in Jane Austen movies. But that's where the similarities between EMMA and SOPHIE THOMPSON end. "Emma loves Austen, but I've never been a great reader. As a child I read Peanuts and Asterix," says Sophie, who plays the woebegone Miss Bates in Emma and the difficult sister Mary Musgrove in Persuasion. While Emma studied at Cambridge, Sophie left school early, and says her favorite hobby is "gluing things." Her mother Phyllida Law, also in Emma, is now making a movie with Emma, but the three have no plans to make a film together. "I think people might get very irritated," says Sophie. "They'd think, 'Oh, that's enough of them. Get 'em off!'"

THE NEW ODD COUPLE

BURT BACHARACH, swinging elevator-music king, and ELVIS COSTELLO, curmudgeonly Scot, have teamed up to create a song for the movie Grace of My Heart. It wasn't a close collaboration: the tune was written mostly by playing eight-bar snatches into each other's answering machine. But the two did make a connection. "We've talked about doing an album together," says Bacharach. "We've even got a concept." Costello may have time too; he keeps hinting that he's on his last tour. And Bacharach is enjoying a steep rise in grooviness, especially in England. Says Mr. B.: "I think the English have very good taste."

SEEN & HEARD

Now that John Kennedy has his own magazine, George, he can turn the tables on the National Enquirer. He told Oprah, no stranger to tabs herself, that after he printed an interview with the Enquirer's founding editor Iain Calder, the scurrilous Scot called to complain that he'd been misquoted.

Being sued for a million bucks is no cause for Michael Jackson to observe court decorum. Jackson, who's in litigation over his nonparticipation in the money-losing Jackson Family Honors, played peekaboo, giggled and danced before testifying. His lawyer claims he was "nervous."

BODYGUARD CAUGHT WITH HIS GUARD DOWN

Perhaps they misread the fairy tale about the emperor's new clothes. Blue-blooded families seem to think they are invisible when they disrobe in public. This week's example: the Monegasque royals, notably former bodyguard DANIEL DUCRUET, the husband of PRINCESS STEPHANIE. He was caught by Italian celebrity skin magazines frolicking in the buff with a French cabaret dancer. "This is just another invention by the Italian press," says Ducruet's older brother Alain, with admirable disregard for the photographic evidence. "Neither my brother nor his wife is at all bothered by the stories." The couple are still planning to open the Replay Store, a boutique and restaurant on Rue Grimaldi, at least for now.

HOW TO EAT LIKE A STAR

It's all Oprah's fault, as usual. When In the Kitchen with Rosie sold 6 million copies, publishers suddenly discovered a vastly underexploited niche: celebrity cookbooks. Now they're pushing them out like doughnuts. The fact that most stars think "whisk" is what a limo does is but a minor obstacle. JANE FONDA freely admits she cooks "not often and not particularly well," but that doesn't affect Jane Fonda: Cooking for Healthy Living. "This is a book about how I eat," she notes. Alternatively, stars' moms write the books (Italianamerican: The Scorsese Family Cookbook, by Marty's mom Catherine, and Home Cookin' with Dave's Mom, by DOROTHY LETTERMAN) and sprinkle in lots of cutesy pictures of the star as a child. Even more popular are charity cookbooks, for which celebs have to come up with only one recipe each. Revenues from The Sinatra Celebrity Cookbook--all meals tasted by Ol' Blue Eyes himself--will benefit the Barbara Sinatra Children's Center. Famous Friends of the Wolf Cookbook has recipes from Clint Eastwood, Mister Rogers and everyone between. But even these books can be problematic, says Regina Hall, who put together In the Kitchen with Miss Piggy (proceeds to Meals on Wheels). "Some people just tore out their favorite recipe from a magazine and sent it to us," she says. Other recipes, when cooked, turned out to be nasty. More of Fabio's acorn squash and apple sauce for anyone?

HOME TURF

ALEXANDER POPOV beat competitors from every other nation in the Olympic pool, but he nearly lost his life to ethnic rivalry at home. The Russian freestyle sprinter was stabbed, apparently by Azeri watermelon vendors, while returning with friends from a party in Moscow. Although cut badly, he told Russia's NTV network from his bed, "I'll soon be walking." Two Azeris have been arrested, but police say Popov's friends started the fight.