By Belinda Luscombe

YOU MUST REALIZE THIS IS ART

Just because NASTASSJA KINSKI has made an action movie (Terminal Velocity) and is starring in a film originally conceived by schlock-hack Joe Eszterhas, don't think she has lost her art-house intensity. One Night Stand, which also stars WESLEY SNIPES, may sound like the name of a Showgirls sequel, but according to Kinski, it ain't so. "The title is fooling us," Kinski says. "This is an important film. It has to do with a man and a woman. It has to do with what we all look for in our lives." Besides, Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas) rewrote it.

LADY SINGS THE BLOUSE

It has only taken the LADY CHABLIS two years to move from the suburbs of contempt to the metropolis of fame. John Berendt anointed her America's second most famous drag queen (after RuPaul) when he wrote of her in his best-selling blockbuster Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, soon to be a movie directed by Clint Eastwood. Several TV appearances and lots of press later, the belle of Savannah, Georgia, is doing what all divas of a certain age do: releasing memoirs. Hiding My Candy doesn't just relate Chablis' life, but also offers recipes, a lexicon and a chapter on "Beauty and Fashion Tips for the Aspirin' Transvestite." Whatever anyone thinks of her life-style, Chablis has a way with words. She describes one woman she meets as "eight miles of bad road, from the nun's neckline of her tacky new dress down to those Li'l Debbie Snackin' Cake pumps." Move over, George Sand.

OOPS, WRONG BIO

GRETA VAN SUSTEREN, ambulance chaser? That's how it appeared to families of ValuJet crash victims who received packages from the law firm of Coale & Van Susteren offering to represent them in return for 25% of any money the airline awards them. At least one package contained a picture and biography of Van Susteren, now a co-anchor on the CNN program Burden of Proof. While sending unsolicited offers isn't illegal, it is kind of cheesy, especially since the couple's firm has already been censured for soliciting clients in West Virginia. But John Coale pleads not guilty to using his wife's celebrity to reel in business. "Greta's no longer with the firm," he says. "The package explained that. The photo and bio were put in by accident."

SEEN & HEARD

Celebrities, stay off your hogs! Billy Idol has fallen off his motorcycle and now another easy-riding idol, Keanu Reeves, has been felled in an accident on Sunset Boulevard. Police and Reeves' publicist agree it wasn't his fault (the driver of the Hyundai Excel who cut him off had better avoid Keanu fans). Reeves broke his ankle and was hospitalized for two days.

Meet James Moreland, the only cross-dressing punk-rocker presidential candidate once married to trash diva Courtney Love (or "the punk-rock Rush Limbaugh," as he calls her). He's campaigning under his stage name, Falling James, and his platform is pretty simple. He wants to give the U.S. to the American Indians and move everyone else to Greenland.