NOTEBOOK

By KATHLEEN ADAMS, MELISSA AUGUST, SOOZHANA CHOI, CHARLOTTE FALTERMAYER, JANICE M. HOROWITZ, LINA LOFARO, MICHAEL QUINN AND ALAIN L. SANDERS

VERBATIM

"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don't sing, Papa's gonna buy you...Oh, I don't know...Europe?" --Bill Gates' lullaby to his new daughter, as imagined by Advertising Age columnist Bob Garfield, in USA Today

"They were rude...and they dismissed him. And he was furious and he was shaking...He threatened to get even." --Northwestern University professor Don Saari on ABC News, recounting Ted Kaczynksi's response to the refusal by Northwestern and the University of Illinois to publish his manuscript--five weeks before the first Unabomber attack occurred

"She wasn't an acrobat, but she wasn't a dead fish either." --Dennis Rodman on Madonna in his autobiography

"I guess I just wasn't meant to be on the streets." --Richard Allen Davis confessing to Polly Klaas' murder

WINNERS & LOSERS

GAS PAINS [WINNERS]

PHIL GRAMM With a skill that eluded him during Oval Office bid, he creates an issue: the "Clinton gas tax"

JAY LENO Car-happy comic discovers that rising gasoline prices have put a tiger in his monologues

CORN FARMERS They grow the raw material for gasohol, the wacky '70s fad suddenly a little less wacky

[LOSERS]

ROSS PEROT Four years ago, he was talking about a 50' gas-tax boost. He isn't talking about it now

AMERICAN PETROLEUM INSTITUTE May replace the Tobacco Institute as the most unpopular industry group

GAS-STATION ATTENDANTS The industry's latest cost-cutting scheme: completely automated gas stations

LICENSE TO ZOOM?

The percentage of cars exceeding the speed limit, before and after new laws went into effect in Texas and California, was monitored with photo radar by American Traffic Systems. Yikes! Before After

TEXAS (55 m.p.h.) (70 m.p.h.) Route 288 14% 48 Route 90 12 40 Interstate 10 19 29

CALIFORNIA (55 m.p.h.) (65 m.p.h) Route 91 36 46 Route 60R 25 35 Interstate 215 26 39

Source: Insurance Institute for Highway Safety

MISSING IN ALLOCATION

Twenty-one years after the conflict ended, America continues to pay the costs of the Vietnam War. Once again, the price seems steep--and Vietnam appears to be getting the better of the U.S. According to the San Jose Mercury News, huge chunks of the $33.6 million the Pentagon has spent in the past four years to track down the 1,609 American military personnel still missing in the country have been diverted into the pockets of various Vietnamese officials, middlemen and hucksters. Among the alleged abuses: entire fleets of U.S.-owned vehicles, designated to drive investigators around, have been rented out to tourists by agents of the Vietnamese government (daily rental fee: $40); village-excavation laborers, slated to receive $30 a day, have often been paid less than $2 a day; and the U.S. has paid the equivalent of $10,000 daily to rent Vietnamese helicopters, whether or not the choppers are used. The U.S. military says its payments are all properly "documented," but it cannot vouch for Vietnam's "internal disbursement of funds." The Pentagon announced, however, that it will investigate the reported misuse of U.S. vehicles. Vietnam denies all allegations.

JUST TOO MUCH

Is Newt Gingrich a punk-rock fan, particularly of Theme Song, a tune by the band Too Much Joy? As the story goes, Gingrich heard the single played among G.O.P. staff members, then last month allegedly sent fan letters to the irreverent musicians (once tried and acquitted of obscenity charges), raving that they "had captured the entire essence of our 1994 campaign in a single line: 'To create, you must destroy.'" The band's promoters used the letters to help publicize its new album. Last week Gingrich's office claimed the letters were a hoax, despite being on the Speaker's stationery, complete with signature, gold seal and watermark. Band member Jay Blumenfield believes the letters are authentic. Still, he says, "it's becoming more and more sinister."

10,000 POINTS OF LIGHT: THEY'RE OFF!

The wheel of fortune was turning for the Olympic flame last week as both Pat Sajak and Vanna White took turns carrying the torch as it began its 15,000-mile journey from Los Angeles to Atlanta. Ten thousand other people have been chosen as well, including runners, ordinary folks and such celebrities as Olympians Janet Evans and Sugar Ray Leonard. (Though Gloria Estefan hasn't quite confirmed, Billy Ray Cyrus had to decline the opportunity, and Jeopardy's Alex Trebek won't turn up till the very end.) There will be no loneliness for these long-distance runners. For the most part, they will be cocooned by an entourage of 12 vehicles staffed by 75 people handling security, emergency medical services and traffic control. And what if the flame goes out (as it did in the hands of Robert Zemeckis, director of Forrest Gump)? Well, the torch is just a torch; the mother flame from Greece travels close behind in a well-protected lantern, ready to relight snuffed standards whenever necessary. Should you want to keep your commemorative torch, you need to pay for it: $275.

HEALTH REPORT

THE GOOD NEWS

--Despite previous reports showing that SPERM COUNTS are declining, new research indicates that they have remained stable, or even risen slightly, over the past 25 years. Another finding: the sperm counts of men in New York City are about 50% higher than those of men in Los Angeles.

--Don't hang up--yet. A preliminary study on 250,000 people finds no evidence that CELLULAR PHONES--notably the kind that have the antenna near the head, exposing users to microwaves--increase the risk of early death. Long-term studies are still needed.

--Estrogen may help women overcome POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. After three months of taking the hormone, 80% of British women studied were no longer depressed.

THE BAD NEWS

--Carnivores, consider this: women ages 55 to 69 who eat more than 36 servings of RED MEAT a month appear to have a 70% greater risk of developing non-Hodgkin's lymphoma than those who consume less than 22 servings.

--Using a blood test, researchers have for the first time quantified just how widespread exposure to SECONDHAND SMOKE is: 9 out of 10 Americans are breathing it, twice as many as generally expected.

--Even though six years ago the FDA warned physicians that certain drug combinations can cause life-threatening side-effects, the antihistamine SELDANE is still prescribed for 1 in 50 patients along with such antibiotics as erythromycin and clarithromycin and antifungals like ketoconazole.

Sources--GOOD NEWS: Fertility and Sterility; Epidemiology; Lancet BAD NEWS: Journal of the American Medical Association; Journal of the American Medical Association; Journal of the American Medical Association LOCAL HEROES

JOHN WALDRON, 17; KNOX, INDIANA; high school junior He knew something was amiss after a couple of missed turns on the familiar bus route to school. The driver had apparently had a seizure. Suddenly the vehicle careened off the main road. Amid the hysterical screams, Waldron calmly walked to the front of the bus, pulled the driver's foot off the accelerator and pushed the brake with his hand--bringing the bus to rest in a field and his classmates to safety. He then called for help on a CB. "I believe that it was God who put the thoughts into my head." DAVID BRISTOW, 33; RIVERSIDE, CALIFORNIA; attorney When the three-strikes-you're-out law went into effect, experts predicted a case like this. Bristow had been a rising star at a county district attorney's office, but then he refused to prosecute a case that could have sent a man with two prior felony convictions to prison for 25 years to life for possession of a minuscule 0.23 gram of cocaine. The D.A. asked him to resign. He's now a public defender, and was given a Conscience Award by the state's A.C.L.U. Says he: "Everyone should stand up for what they believe in."

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

STEVE CAUTHEN, 36; VERONA, KENTUCKY; former professional jockey In 1978, at 18, Cauthen rode Affirmed to become the youngest--and last--jockey to win the Triple Crown. As Grindstone won the Kentucky Derby on Saturday, however, Cauthen was on the sidelines. One of the sport's most acclaimed prodigies, he retired from racing in 1992 and today is Associate Vice President at Turfway Park in Florence, Kentucky, where his father once worked as a blacksmith and his mother a trainer. Cauthen and his family live on a 300-acre farm where he breeds horses. In 1976 he was the top U.S. apprentice and soon the first jockey to win more than $6 million in a year. But early 1979 found him in a losing streak that led to a move to England, where he raced for 14 years. Inducted into racing's Hall of Fame in 1994, Cauthen says the Triple Crown was not a solo victory. "Racing is being a part of a team. No one person is the reason you win or lose."

38 YEARS AGO IN TIME

AT THE HEIGHT OF FAME

Last week Van Cliburn was in the midst of a palimony lawsuit, but in 1958 he was preparing for Carnegie Hall after his triumph at the International Tchaikovsky Piano Competition in Moscow: "Deeply religious, and a conscientious teetotaler...he gives 20% of his net earnings to the Baptist Church. During Evangelist Billy Graham's Manhattan crusade last year, Van sang in the Madison Square Garden choir...Buffalo Philharmonic Conductor Josef Krips recalls the time that Van came into his dressing room before a performance and said, 'Maestro, let us pray.' Krips, a Roman Catholic, dropped to his knees with the pianist. Said Van: 'God give us his grace and power to make good music together.'" --May 19, 1958

--By Kathleen Adams, Melissa August, Soozhana Choi, Charlotte Faltermayer, Janice M. Horowitz, Lina Lofaro, Michael Quinn and Alain L. Sanders