By Belinda Luscombe

NO CATTINESS HERE, PLEASE. WE'RE ACTRESSES

Lying awake nights sweating over Elizabeth Berkley's career? Relax. The Showgirls star is playing GOLDIE HAWN's husband's mistress in The First Wives Club. "We have to afford people some mistakes," says Hawn of Berkley. "She's a lovely girl." The sisterly goodwill has apparently spread to the whole cast. Of working with Hawn and BETTE MIDLER, DIANE KEATON says, "It has heightened my impression of how talented they are. They're the major fascinating women of all time." How will such nice women manufacture the vengeful feelings their characters need? Easy, says Midler. "I'll think of how guys get $20 million a picture, and we get to sit on our tochis."

SEEN & HEARD

She's an exhibitionist, not a witness. When ordered to testify against Robert Hoskins, the man accused of stalking her, or pay a $5 million fine, Madonna hesitated. "I feel we are making his dreams come true," she said, but she sedately took the stand anyway.

Nothing quickens publishers' pulses more than a celebrity tell-all--except a posthumous celebrity tell-all. The autobiography of Lucille Ball, recently discovered among her publicist's papers, is expected to go for at least seven figures at auction this month.

A BOSNIAN AULD LANG SYNE

U2 singer BONO spent New Year's Eve in Sarajevo. The self-proclaimed "first tourist" to the city danced one night away with Bosnian Foreign Minister Muhamed Sacirbey, then joined locals for an impromptu show the next. "I can't understand why more of our colleagues have not come," said Bono. Maybe the war had something to do with it?

DIVA WITH A POLAROID

What becomes a diva most? Part ownership of Planet Hollywood is good, but a Polaroid camera is better. DEMI MOORE has snapped a self-portrait (yes, that's her) and penned a piece for Details' Mondo Hollywood issue. Apparently, divadom isn't all it's cracked up to be. Moore complains of being thrown onto powdered cement, walking "small, repetitive distances in uncomfortable shoes" and standing around in a G-string with tissues stuffed up her nose. "I have even gone so far as to roll around in a semiclad state on piles of money and Michael Douglas," she says. All for just a few million lousy bucks. But it's not endlessly horrid. "You just have to remind yourself that you may get stuck with hairpins every day, but you can also get Tom Jones in person for your husband's birthday."