Bonfire of the Vanities

By Margaret Carlson, with reporting by Melissa August/Washington

Picture a white-sand beach swept by a balmy breeze with nothing more pressing than whether to read a novel or visit a sugar plantation in old Barbados. The stuff of romance, yes. But in the Capitol, it is the essence of lobbying. Lobbying mixes people of the same interests and temperament, adds good food, fine wine and the occasional getaway -- and also produces relationships. And just because one of the companions always picks up the tab doesn't make the liaisons meaningless. Indeed, in most cases, the links are all too serious.

Congress, of course, realizes that the public is enraged that the likes of the American Widget Association has a lot better chance of getting heard than the unorganized masses who buy widgets but are unable to produce a pair of Super Bowl tickets. And so last week the Senate voted 95-4 for tough gift restrictions -- no more trips to luxury resorts, no more gifts worth more than $20. During the debate, members couched their feelings about the pending deprivation in high-minded terms. However, Bennett Johnston of Louisiana couldn't help whining that he wouldn't even be able to attend the annual opera ball in New Orleans if the new rules prevailed. In the Capitol, TicketMaster is an alien concept, as is advance-purchase-Saturday-night-stayover airline reservations. And paying for dinner.

Earlier this year the House passed its own gift ban -- to the despair of restaurants and tour operators. A public relations executive who puts on theater and concert galas predicts that such bonfires of the vanities are engendering "a class of monks, who will live without benefit of cultural influence, except for television."

But the ingenious minds of the Capitol will not stand by while the greatest deliberative body in the world becomes a lump of couch potatoes. Already a large loophole in the Senate version permits gifts motivated by friendship. The proper sincerity attending these presents will be defined by the Senate Ethics Committee. Watch out for a tautological modification of the old Capitol proverb: If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog -- or bring a gift.