Teaching Young Fathers the Ropes

By SOPHFRONIA SCOTT GREGORY

Two years ago, Paul Smalley found himself getting sucked into a stereotype. At 21 he returned home from military prison a frustrated, unemployed young black man who also happened to be a brand-new unmarried father. His son and namesake was already four months old, and Smalley was so unfamiliar with his new role that he thought he could not touch the baby without permission. "I was asking if I could pick him up," he says. "I just didn't feel like a father."

Smalley worried because he could see a familiar pattern forming, born of his shame over not being able to support his child, the feeling of inadequacy and the strain on his relationship with the baby's mother. He resisted joining the ranks of young black fathers who cut out on their kids because they will not face the pressures of parenthood, but he could not see how to break the cycle -- until he learned from a friend about the Responsive Fathers Program at the Philadelphia Children's Network.

While social-assistance programs have long been available to teenage mothers, little effort has gone into helping young fathers. The Responsive Fathers Program is one of a growing number of groups across the U.S. seeking to fill the vacuum. The programs try to help young unmarried men become better fathers, providers and mates through counseling services, particularly assistance in a job search. The 61 participants in the Philadelphia program, who range in age from 16 to 26, meet in group sessions once a week and discuss child rearing, self-esteem, male-female relationships and the job market. "The program helped me to open up," says Smalley. "It gave me the drive to want to do things. I've learned how anger affects my child and about how he needs both parents."

Fathers come to the program either by referral from a hospital, community center or probation office or, like Smalley, by word of mouth from a friend. Thomas J. Henry, 47, the program's director, says that many young fathers just need help cutting through the bureaucracy: filling out forms, standing in the correct lines for public assistance and dealing with unresponsive bureaucrats. "This system encourages fathers not to be there," he says. "You have many fathers declared absent when they are actually present. People think they're just making babies and don't have any feelings attached to that act. Everyone says, 'We want you to be a responsible father,' but we give them nothing to be responsible with."

The Responsive Fathers Program is part of a study being conducted by Public/ Private Ventures, a nonprofit public-policy research organization that focuses on youth development. Using five other similar programs from across the country, PPV launched the study last year to try to discover whether it could get young unwed fathers to come forward and seek help, identify their needs, and direct them to the services they require. The group aims to provide information to policymakers responsible for family welfare programs so that as they debate decisions concerning young mothers, they will keep young fathers in mind as well.

"It is important for families that we begin to consider the role of fathers," says Bernadine Watson, director of individual and family support at PPV. "Our work has shown that these men, even though they are young and do not have the educational background or employment skills, are very interested in being good parents."

Henry believes the Philadelphia program will make a difference because it is willing to take the three to six years needed to "put things right" in a young man's life. Such a philosophy and time frame contrast with government programs offering quick-fix solutions, but Henry believes in taking a pay-now- or-pay-later approach. His goal for the fathers is true self-sufficiency, by training them for jobs in areas such as printing, building maintenance and computer programming. This is no easy trick; the program has a hard time persuading employers to give the young men a chance. "We go along begging, pleading to anybody to give us jobs," says Henry. The program currently has fathers who have been on the job waiting list for six months. Still, the dads attend the sessions, even though the only thing Henry and his colleagues can give them is carfare home.

The young men say they enjoy the sessions because they can vent their feelings of frustration, often born of their sense that society perceives them as bad parents. The black male has become the focal point of blame for the deterioration of the African-American family. But in many cases such blame is misdirected. Devon Shaw, 24, whose three children range in age from six months to four years, was just out of high school when his first child was born. He doesn't like the way the system "lets you know what we're doing wrong, not what they're doing wrong." Smalley, who now works as an animal-care technician and goes to school at night, admits that many of his friends simply cannot function as fathers: "Some don't even try. Some don't care. They just turn to drugs or drug dealing as their way out." But he stresses that there are many more who are trying to be responsible, who want their kids to have two parents, a good education and a safe place to live. "It's just we have so many obstacles to becoming decent men," he says. "But it is inside of us. It's in the black men out there."