Word Watch

By Janice Castro

Political correctness is spreading like a virus through the English language, turning every personal trait into an agenda. Recently spotted: Women of Size and Fruitarian (one who refuses to eat anything that requires the killing of plants or animals).

A few suggested terms for the compleat political correctoid:

MORALLY CHALLENGED: Mike Milken, John Gotti, Manuel Noriega, Leona Helmsley and every other soul who finds thievery and deceit irresistible

WOMEN (OR MEN) OF SOLITUDE: people of size on Saturday nights

VERTICALLY GIFTED: Michael Jordan (the opposite of "vertically challenged," a term for short people)

BEHAVIORALLY IMPAIRED: Archie Bunker

HUMANTARIAN (not to be confused with Humanitarian): Jeffrey Dahmer

MOTIVATIONALLY DISPOSSESSED: plumb lazy

MSTERLY: a feminine term for a manifestation of superior skill

INTUITIVELY DEPRIVED: thick

DIFFERENTLY EVOLVED: pets have feelings too