Scrambled

Not too long ago, ersatz eggs -- whether artificial, powdered or untimely ripped from their shells by food marketers -- symbolized the culinary conflict between technology and taste. No fake food was more reviled than the powdered eggs of old-time Army K rations, while even the lowliest luncheonette could take pride in serving two real fried eggs sunny-side up, with the yolks oozing into the hashbrowns.

Cherish the memory. The all-American egg breakfast has become as strong a social taboo as smoking a fat stogie in a crowded elevator. Cholesterol fears initially scrambled the egg industry, but the real threat is the current panic over salmonella. This toxic raw-egg bacteria caused more than 2,000 cases of food poisoning in the U.S. last year. As Gourmet magazine declared, "Dishes made with raw or undercooked eggs -- Caesar salad and eggs Benedict -- are in danger of becoming extinct."

While the health risk is real, so too is the potential for eggsessive overreaction. Even though cooking kills salmonella bacteria, the hard-boiled food industry has fallen in love with the safety and shelf life of pasteurized liquid eggs. Since last fall, Hyatt hotels have dished up fresh eggs only when a guest explicitly requests them sunny-side up. Diners are not told of this shell game, for as a Hyatt spokeswoman insists, "to the average person's taste, I don't think you'd notice." Liquid eggs have become the norm at fast- food chains (Burger King) and on airlines (United and American).

There is something irredeemably sad about a world so fearful of food, and so heedless of flavor, that the proverb will soon read, "You can't make an omelet without pouring some pasteurized eggs."