Thanks for The Memory

By BONNIE ANGELO and JORDAN BONFANTE Bob Hope

Q. You've traveled a million miles entertaining 10 million American troops, landed in planes without engines, endured every kind of hardship, including bomb attacks. Why did you do it?

A. You get hooked on it. In May of 1941 they asked me to do a show at an Air Force base in Riverside, Calif. I said, "What for?" I'd never done a show like that. So we go to March Field. Now this audience was sensational!

I said, "How long has this been going on?" It was so exciting. We booked every base in California. In December war was declared -- then it became dramatic.

For five years, we traveled all over the world. We quit in 1945. Then in 1948 there's the Berlin Airlift, and again it was boom, boom, boom. We went to Korea in 1950 -- and we never stopped. We started in Vietnam in 1964, right up until about 1972, every year. Those kids were so grateful that you would come to them.

Q. What was your hairiest moment?

A. In Saigon we were supposed to do a show at the Brinks Hotel, and we were running late. When we got within five minutes of the hotel, there was some kind of commotion. They ((the Viet Cong)) had bombed it. Later a general sent me a communique found in a rubber plantation they had captured. It said, "The bombing of the Brinks Hotel missed the Bob Hope show by ten minutes due to a faulty timing device." Were we the target? Sure. My God, I have witnessed so much.

Q. The day's headlines seem pretty heavy stuff. How do you turn them into laughs?

A. You can make people laugh anytime, if you're talking about things they are already thinking about. The straight lines are already in their heads. And when you come up with a little twist that's funny, they'll laugh. That's the whole trick.

Certain things you can't touch. The atom bomb -- you can't play with the atom bomb.

Q. Who are some of your favorite comedians working today?

A. Oh, I have a lot. Chevy Chase and Steve Martin. I love this kid Jay Leno. Johnny Carson I love -- I've been with him for so many years. This Billy Crystal kid is coming along. He's so clever. And Jonathan Winters. He lives right across the fence, over here. He is a funny man. Crazy funny. Don Rickles. I think he could be approaching genius because of his brain. He's just so fast and bright.

Q. You have known and played for ten Presidents. Franklin Roosevelt was your first?

A. I played for him at a White House correspondents' dinner in 1944. The President was on the dais with his big cigarette holder. Every time I told a joke, everybody would laugh and then look to see how he had reacted. He would go up and down with his holder.

Q. But you've been a Republican the whole way. Or did you convert?

A. No. I voted for whoever I liked. I was invited by all the Presidents to the White House. I liked them all. There's something about a President -- you don't let politics get in the way.

Q. Jack Kennedy?

A. When I spoke at my son's graduation at Georgetown, I made some jokes about Kennedy. The next day Pierre Salinger called and said, "The boss wants to see you." I went over to the White House, and we had more laughs. All he wanted to do was relax, I think. We told jokes. Five grown men laughing like hell at jokes.

The one honor that stands out was when Kennedy gave me the Congressional Gold Medal.

Q. What about Lyndon Johnson?

A. At the White House, he took me out in the Rose Garden and showed me Eisenhower's putting green. Then he showed me a map of Vietnam, since I had been to Vietnam two or three times by then.

I've always hated myself for not taking him aside and saying, "Mr. President, do the world a favor, and yourself: let the military take over, will you?" With all the military we had over there, all the planes, I think they could have fixed that war in about three days.

But I didn't say it. When you look back at those kinds of chunks of history . . .

Q. And your buddy, Mr. Reagan?

A. Reagan I've known for at least 50 years. He loves jokes. And he tells jokes pretty good. He could be a competitor.

Q. Some say you could have been a competitor. In 1970 there was a move to get you to run for President. Was it serious?

A. They took a poll up in Washington State, and about 83% said, yeah, they'd vote for me for President. John Tower and another Republican Senator came out to Palm Springs ((Calif.)) to talk to me. I said, No way! I'm not qualified for that. I always say, "The money's not right, and my wife wouldn't want to move to a smaller house."

Besides, I told them that I was born in England. They said, "We will change the Constitution."

Q. If you had been President, what would have been your first act?

A. The first tee.

Q. What about other major figures? Khrushchev?

A. During his visit to the U.S., Sinatra and I were sitting with Mrs. Khrushchev at a luncheon, trying to make conversation through the interpreter. I finally said, "You ought to go to Disneyland. It's wonderful."

She wrote a note to Nikita up on the dais: "I want to go to Disneyland." / So he called the Secret Service about it, but they said no. Too dangerous, and so on. Then he got up and said, "What kind of a country have you got here? You will eat lunch with me, but you will not let me go to Disneyland!" Which was the subject for our monologue for the next three years: Khrushchev trying to get into Disneyland.

Q. Any favorite royalty?

A. Queen Elizabeth. I was playing the Palladium, and Philip invited us to Windsor ((castle)). We were walking in this long hallway, and here comes a woman with about ten dogs. Dolores asked, "What kind are they?" The woman said, "Corgis," and looked up, and it was the Queen. My God.

Q. Were you home now and then?

A. I've been married 56 years -- I was born married. And I've been home three weeks. It has not been dull, believe me. Dolores is just something else.

I had the kids with me on some trips. The reason is one time I was walking out to go somewhere, and I said, "Goodbye, Tony" -- he was about eight -- and he said, "Goodbye, Bob Hope." Then I knew I had to take these kids with me.

Q. Does everybody expect you to be funny all the time?

A. Oh, yes. People walk up and laugh in my face. They just look at me and start laughing because it reminds them of something they laughed at.

Q. You've just celebrated your 87th birthday. You have a new book ((Don't Shoot, It's Only Me)). Another TV special, from Moscow and Berlin. You put in about 200 working days a year, played 26 golf tournaments last year. Don't you want a rest?

A. No. I don't do anything I don't want to do. Anytime you see me on a show, you know I like doing it, and as long as I'm enjoying it, I'm going to do it. Oh, I have such a good life. I am very lucky.

Q. In your book you say, "Laughter is my business and my life. I need it to feel wanted."

A. I wrote that? I let them get away with that? God, I may sue my author!