I See, I Want, I Get -- Maybe

By Janice Castro

Put away those dress-for-success books. Forget the management mystique. The key to thriving in the corporate jungle is understanding dinosaurs. So say Albert Bernstein, a clinical psychologist in Portland, Ore., and Sydney Craft Rozen, a former English instructor at Clark College in Vancouver, Wash. In Dinosaur Brains (John Wiley; $18.95) they examine the prehistoric reptile that lurks inside every employee like an evolutionary time bomb. Beneath that fragile fabric of reason called human intelligence, they argue, beats a powerful engine of lizard logic that demands instant gratification and lives to dominate. While the dinosaurs are long gone, their brains "are the foundations on which our own brains are built."

To understand how corporate America works, maintain the authors, one must understand that "the Dinosaur Brain has some very explicit ideas about how companies should be organized and run. Whoever is at the top has all the rights and gets all the goodies. The people at the bottom have to do what the head dinosaur says if they want to stay in the herd."

Who is a dinosaur? Anyone who has ever acted on instinct and called it common sense. Everyone who has ever been zealous, fiercely loyal, ruthless, or even submissive or terrified at work. In examining the corporate stomping grounds, the book dredges up some worthwhile wisdom from the tar pits:

Impressing the Top Dino. When dealing with seniors, do not try to dazzle them with your brilliance. "The boss's idea of intelligence is someone who listens to him." Do not tell your boss your personal problems. "Old dinosaurs like the strong, silent types." Stuck with drudge work? Perform first; get out of it later. Otherwise, the boss may bite your head off.

Lizards in Love. The authors note that dinosaurs tend to fall hard when boardroom sparks inspire thoughts of bedroom larks. They step up their Nautilus routines and become sharper dressers. Soon, romantic reptiles are dreaming up urgent reasons to call the beloved at home. And no matter what they think, everyone else knows what is going on. Despite the pitfalls, the authors do not proscribe all office affairs. After all, they argue, some are the real thing. But they offer a few valuable tips on damage control. Example: Never transfer the beloved to your own department, unless you want to destroy office morale -- and possibly end up facing a sexual harassment suit.

Dealing with a Raging Reptile. First of all, control your own reptilian response. Do not counterattack, and never flee. If the dinosaur attacks during a meeting, try gazing calmly at the beast. Co-workers will remember the outburst, not the reason for it. If the dinosaur is your boss, though, you must either learn to take abuse or make plans to leave. Whatever you do, never call for reinforcements. "A dinosaur whose subordinates have gone over his or her head is the most dangerous lizard in the jungle."

The authors maintain that there is nothing wrong with a little irrationality now and then, so long as it is kept within certain bounds. Even an occasional show of anger can be a sign of respect, but be sure to pick on someone your own size, or larger. No kicking the pet salamander.