A Cat's Cup

The America's Cup sank into a Bermuda Triangle of lawyers, loudmouths and bad losers last week. In the best-of-three event, Dennis Conner's Stars & Stripes grimly fended off a rogue challenge for the jug, outsailing New Zealand in a pair of yawners off San Diego. Nearly the only exciting development was the fact that Stars & Stripes flew sponsors' logos, a Cup first. One of them, Diet Pepsi, was an apt choice for a low-calorie affair that was an embarrassing mismatch.

It began over a year ago, when Auckland Investment Banker Michael Fay overturned 30 years of tradition and challenged the San Diego Yacht Club to a one-on-one race, instead of joining a regatta planned for 1991. When a New York State Supreme Court upheld Fay's captious interpretation of the rules, San Diego countered in kind by saying regulations permitted it to defend in a $ catamaran, a multihulled craft usually speedier than a monohull.

And so it was. After matching the 132-ft. New Zealand tack for tack in the opening minutes of the first race, Conner finished with a commanding 18-min. lead. In Friday's second meeting Conner again blazed ahead, winning by a comfortable 21 min. Back on land after the first contest, the Kiwis complained that Conner had not beaten them by a large enough margin. They argued that Conner slowed down to make Stars & Stripes seem more equal to their big boat, thereby defusing Fay's claim of a mismatch. Asked by a reporter if he were "dogging it," Conner snapped, "I'm sailing a cat. Someone else is sailing a dog."

A committee of Cup heavyweights has proposed amending the rules so that renegade challenges and disagreements among competitors can no longer disrupt the festivities -- and the cash flow for the regatta's host city. Although Fay approves of the idea, he still intends to go back to court to challenge last week's outcome. If the judge agrees that the cat was illegal, the mug will go to New Zealand. In that case, Conner said he'd just have to go Down Under and win it back again. Maybe the next time they'll both be sailing in turkeys.