Pitching Motherhood and Pepsi

By John Leo

Wanda: What did you think of Geraldine Ferraro's appearance in the Diet Pepsi commercial, Ralph? Have you switched to Coke yet?

Ralph: I found her TV ad very tasteful indeed, Wanda. Great photography and a real slice of life as it is undoubtedly lived in the Zaccaro household, at least when all those accountants aren't cluttering up the place. Here we are, sharing a typical moment of televised intimacy between a famous mother, her two daughters and a Pepsi. Like most Americans, I found myself riveted to the tube as she told the daughters, "You can be anything you want to be" and that being a mother was one of the choices she was most proud of. You've just got to admire a politician who comes out for motherhood, no matter who is offended by it. And I liked the way they put the product in the hands of one of the daughters. Otherwise, some people might get the idea that our best- known feminist is shilling for a soda pop, when she's actually having a high- toned chat about women's choices.

Wanda: Let's not play clobber-the-feminist, Ralph. When Pepsi's ad people approached Ferraro in January, they said they wanted to feature serious public figures talking about choices. Lee Iacocca and Peter Ueberroth were mentioned. O.K., Iacocca and Ueberroth haven't panned out, so Gerry was left to face the flak alone.

Ralph: The serious public figures turned out to be Gerry and a bunch of singers and quarterbacks. But at least the show-biz people aren't under the impression that they delivered some sort of public service message.

Wanda: Gerry gave a 30-second version of one of her basic speeches that says women should have options and high aspirations. What's wrong with that? They gave her artistic control of the commercial. She got her message across, got some exposure for herself without Fritz looming in the background, and she got a decent corporation to pay for it. After all, Pepsi isn't selling thalidomide.

Ralph: Manfully argued, beloved spouse. Still, there are cynics among us who think she has just shed seriousness and cashed in on the women's vote and the women's movement to the tune of 750,000 smackers. At least that's the estimate of what she got for the ad. Are you fully certain that this is what Susan B. Anthony had in mind?

Wanda: What Susan B. had in mind is that women should be able to do whatever men do. Even William Safire, the Ferraro-bashing columnist on the New York Times, thinks she was right to "go for it."

Ralph: Right, dearest. So doubtless we shall soon see Margaret Thatcher flogging Dr Pepper, and Queen Elizabeth in her royal quarters having an argument with Prince Philip over Mountain Dew. Maybe we can get Sandra Day O'Connor to push Gatorade. And how about Mother Teresa for Perrier? She could talk to us about choices for the poor.

Wanda: Eleanor Roosevelt endorsed Zenith hearing aids, Cyma watches and Parkay margarine. General Douglas MacArthur endorsed a watch too. And in 1937, several U.S. Senators got $1,000 each for endorsing Lucky Strikes.

Ralph: Old stuff, Wanda. Public figures, particularly politicians, are not supposed to endorse products, and for the past 30 years or so they haven't, though they are sometimes freely purchased in other ways.

/ Wanda: Howard Baker, who may run for President, just did a pitch for the newspaper USA Today.

Ralph: Nolo contendere, my polemical one. He shouldn't have done it, but he's on the board of Gannett, which owns the newspaper, and he wasn't paid for it.

Wanda: You mean, since he's on the board, he's paid in a different way. What about Ronald Reagan's old ads for Chesterfield cigarettes, General Electric alarm clocks and toasters and wrinkle-free Van Heusen shirts? Isn't he a public figure?

Ralph: Reagan was an entertainer when he sold us all those products, Wanda. If Gerry were an actress, a tennis star or a famous guitar banger, no one would mind if she put her prestige behind miracle toilet-bowl cleaners and remedies for the heartbreak of psoriasis--at least if she dropped all the piety about women's choices and just rolled up her sleeves and sold the stuff.

Wanda: So Ferraro is the only one who's wrong, is that it, Ralph? You don't suppose this whole flap is being blown out of proportion to keep her from running for the Senate?

Ralph: I'm glad you brought that up, dearest. Senator Alfonse D'Amato, the fellow Gerry might run against, says he prefers Coke now, because of the Ferraro ad. This means D'Amato and Ferraro could split the cola vote, and a third-party, 7-Up candidate might slip into the Senate. I needn't tell you what an uncola Senator may do to the two-cola political system as we know it. Before you know it, Orange Crush and Yoo-Hoo will have their own Senators too.

Wanda: You don't mind arguing while I go on up to bed, do you, Ralph? I want to take a peek at my Howard Baker newspaper, set my Ronald Reagan alarm clock and get out the Eleanor Roosevelt margarine to soften overnight for tomorrow morning's unendorsed English muffins, all the while pondering your powerful arguments about Ferraro.

Ralph: Wait, Wanda! I want to say a word about retroendorsements. You know what I mean--endorsements that might have been if other people had been as alert as Gerry. I'm thinking of Abe Lincoln for Log Cabin syrup, Torquemada for flame-broiled whoppers or Judas Iscariot for Franklin Mint silver coins. With artistic control, Judas wouldn't actually have to hold the coins up or anything. His kids could be shown flipping them casually in the background among the Roman soldiers.

Wanda: That'll do, Ralph. I'm turning off my Zenith hearing aid. Over and out.