Ordering the Ultimate

Sensible people usually shop by catalogue for definite, affordable needs. There are, however, restless dreamers who cannot confine themselves to such a mundane activity and plunge wrist-deep into the pages of the glossier catalogues, fantasizing over offerings that are dizzyingly expensive. This pleasant addiction, though, is harmless and may even be cheaper than going to see a movie in the shopping mall cinema. No lines, no waiting: instant extravaganzas of luxury.

Mail-order magnates are well aware of customers' cravings for extraordinary items and use them to lend a glamorous cachet to listings of tableware and nightgowns. Neiman-Marcus, for instance, has offered everything from his-and-her airplanes to a paleontological safari in Utah to baby Asian elephants. Sakowitz, its Texas rival, has presented such opulent entries as a bathtub full of diamonds, a chateau in a French wine district and a personalized offshore oil rig. This year proves to be reliably rich in the wish books.

First on the list of any armchair shopper should be a new armchair. The Hexhedon PC1 (Neiman-Marcus) may look like Darth Vader's helmet, but around the black leather reclining seat the sybaritic unit includes such accessories as a miniature Sony color TV, a stereo system with color transposer for both interior and exterior light shows, a "thermos faucet system" to supply a flow of beverages, a wireless telephone and "whisper" exhaust fans. Price: $32,000. If a desire to work should suddenly take hold, the relaxing executive can unsnap the 18-karat-gold clasps of a black crocodile attache case ($25,000, from Dunhill), fitted with two gold pens, pencil, cardcase and lighter.

Emerging after an electronic bathing of the senses, one will want to touch up the summer's fading tan. Switch on the Swiss ultra violet A-ray suntanning machine ($14,500, from Hammacher Schlemmer). Its secret: the unit is the "only machine that filters out harmful ultra violet B and C rays," prevents burning, peeling and damaged skin. Protective reading goggles are provided, along with special gloves that measure skin response to exposure. Just plug into any 110 V-l 115 V outlet. The tan can be shown off at dinner, served on an 800-Ib. table ($29,920, from Colbert's in Amarillo, Texas). Handmade of Lalique crystal, its base is in the shape of a giant flowering cactus. At its core is a central prism which, according to the blurb, "radiates brilliance upwards to the specially made 60-in. glass top." Add 5% sales tax for Texas residents.

When dining out, a fur coat is a fantasy necessity. Fendi's one-of-a-kind Croiset Norka fox ($75,000, from Neiman-Marcus) would do nicely, but a "full-length sweep of splendor" made of Russian snow lynx bellies ($125,000, from Sakowitz) is more tasteful if less carefree. To stay svelte, anyone would love Heartmate, an electronically controlled aerobic exercise bicycle ($4,000, from Abercrombie & Fitch). The avid pedaler can listen to music, AMFM, or view television on the machine's console, while monitoring digital read-outs of mileage, heart rate, calorie expenditure and countdown timing.

For the child in every fantasist, the choices are many. What budding smoke chaser would not like a real fire engine? A half-scale, electronically operated 1912 DeLaye from France costs $48,500 at Hammacher Schlemmer. The 8.1-ft.-long machine has working hoses, a 26-gal. water tank and a 14 1/2-ft. ladder. Top speed: 9.3 m.p.h. Better still is one's own full-size, wooden roller coaster. The package includes four cars, skid brakes and a covered loading platform that can be constructed in any suitable backyard. Price for the maximum 2,700 ft.: $2,430,000, at Sakowitz. Allow six to nine months for delivery, please.

Best of all, perhaps, in this welter of earth-bound baubles that comfort, beep, scream and warm is a relatively inexpensive, unique catalogue offering from JS&A Group-Products That Think, of Northbrook, Ill. One can now reserve a seat on the first commercial flight of the space shuttle. Although no firm date for the voyage has been set, the cataloguer is continuing negotiations with NASA and will select six worthy travelers to make the trip. A reservation now brings a certificate suitable for framing. One can almost imagine the voyage from the depths of the Hexhedon chair. . . the silence, the freedom, the shedding of earthly realities like finances, budgets, catalogues. Round trip, of course.

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